Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
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November 2020 transitions
After a season of depression Joyless days felt suffocating A season of anger followed. A ticking bomb. Everything irritable. Then I confessed my furry. This overwhelming burden. Then I entered into the season of tears Crying out of nothing Cleansing my eyes Cleansing my heart. Relief. Then Joy restored. Joy restored my heart. My courage.…
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This season
…feels like the dark woods. It’s cold. It’s overwhelming. We stumble in the dark. And push through. Day in and day out. Occasionally, our inner compass, gives us a glimpse of hope. But we can’t know for certain. We pursue the North Star, through the dark clouds. And, by faith, we progress. How lovely it…
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Isaiah 62
As I struggle with self worth during the lockdownI read a word of wisdom, an insight regarding adopteesAnd their inherent struggle with self worthBecause as infants, they were given up.I sit silent for a momentAnd feel the future pain of my daughters. This struggle thoughcan find its resolution and healing in Christ,In Christ alone. Reading…
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It’s been a day
We’ve played outside in the cold. We played inside to warm up. Both girls need a nap. I decide to stay in the room, in an armchair between their beds. They do anything else but sleep even when they are too tired, if they are left to their own devices. Jackie has been particularly defiant…
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lavish
I put my most unwelcoming face on. I need a few minutes of silence. I want to focus on finishing one paragraph. No such luck. My kids seem oblivious to my intimidating “stay away” face. And that’s how it should be. Parents don’t have such a shield in the family. That unapproachable stance is only…
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About delight
The struggle is real. The monotony of life is getting to us all. I wonder how it caught up with us. Because for a while, we stayed ahead of the crashing wave. My sister-in-law mentioned something that clicked with me last week. She attended the funeral of a beloved uncle, the twin brother of her…
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Jackie – the precocious conversationalist
When Jackie gets more vocal in her defiance, and we’ve had a few instances lately, especially as she is so tired of her daily scolioses stretches, I have no impulse to push back. I sit down on the floor and I make room for thoughts to settle and get clear. Last night, as Jackie was…
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The cocoon
We met Ivy two weeks before the pandemic hit Romania. Who knew the first two weeks would be so precious, and out of the current ordinary. We treasure those times of kisses and snuggles without reserve or masks. I have faith that much will still change around the world. And Ivy will adapt, as this…
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A week of small breaks
Resting my mind. Relearning to take care of myself. Letting my parents step in, due to available circumstances. My youngest nephew spent some time at the grandparents during the work days, and taking care of him is easier when a little cousin is there to play with. I consciously protected the grandparents of the children…
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Growing pains
We all grow. In different ways. Parents and children, side by side. This week I set my decibel bar low. And it was a success from that point of view… though I myself cried more, it was definitely more cathartic. Last week I oscillated between deep sadness to hot furry. Disobedience. Exuberance. Disagreements. As I…
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Introspection shared
I always believed thatstepping into the lightis the first step into freedom.As we grow old,discerning the lightseems to be the hardest part of the process.And then harder yet, embracing vulnerability.The trick is that,once you submerse yourselfinto the grace of God,Facing the TruthLooking intentlyinto the mirror of God’s Wordconfessing and accept His forgiveness,the onlookers hold no…
