Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Warmth
I wonder about how this season of pandemic is traumatizing our kids, who already have a history of trauma. Then I see the irony. Because I feel increasingly traumatized as a parent. I am tired of nagging. I have always made a conscious effort not not nag. But as I repeat the same encouragement or…
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Weekend away for Jackie’s birthday
Conrad was getting over a cold/ allergic reaction to campfire smoke. We were on edge and making wise calculated decisions seemed harder and harder to accomplish. Our empathizing with each other’s exhaustion only made things worse. We started dragging each other down. Like a derailing train we were. Nothing too unusual on the outside, but…
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letter to my altmann crew
Lately I feel that I lost my way with words. My brain feels scrambled. I don’t make much sense as I write or as I read my own freshly written thoughts. I’m coasting. To clearer shores. I hope my boat won’t sink. After chatting with mom, I felt inspired to write my Altmannside sisters. And…
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Today I hold the new certificate in hand
We are happy. Fulfilled. Exhausted. I look at the joyous pictures we took during the first visits. And then later, when she came home. We were genuinely happy. If I take the mental tiredness out of the equation, we could be pretty happy now too. I had an hour chat with my mother in law.…
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Risk
I’m not a risk taker. This is why I’m not the most proficient business developer. I like to serve, and I lead by necessity. As a kid, as the youngest and as a girl, I assumed complete contentment and happiness with less. Less than my brother. Hand-me-downs. I’m not competitive. But I’ve made many good…
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When we are so worn out we don’t see the cuteness
Everything is irritating. I started dreading certain moments of the day. But tonight I had a persuasive talk with the girls. I told them like this: Mommy and daddy are the responsible adults who love them and want what’s best for them. We will do everything in our power to keep them safe, loved and…
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When mommy reaches her limit
Rockbottom limit. One evening, I finished the day, crawling to the finish line. I brushed the girls teeth, I had already read them stories. Changed them in pajamas. And I said I’m going to take a bath. I didn’t have it in me to sit around in the dark, rubbing Jackie’s foot in one bed,…
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Obedience
When I am exhausted and I chose the lazy way, in the moment seems more patient and loving. Except it isn’t. We were cooking dinner. The girls wanted to help. They put in the pasta. And they wanted to cut the bell pepper. I split it in two and they both got to chopping. I…
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Creativity nurtured in routine
I was utterly impressed by Mate’s coherent talk from the heart. So much wisdom packed into a personal story. His heart tenderized by pain early on, his mind able to see clearer, and be ready to adapt and to immerse in pure grace. His influence and power and skill, they all amount to something because…
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Hope
“The difference between shallow happiness and a deep, sustaining joy is sorrow. Happiness lives where sorrow is not. When sorrow arrives, happiness dies. It can’t stand pain. Joy, on the other hand, rises from sorrow and therefore can withstand all grief. Joy, by the grace of God, is the transfiguration of suffering into endurance, and…
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Discipline. About Responsibility and Truth.
Jaclyn made some poor choices, poor for a 6 year old. No dramatic consequences. Yet. But left unchecked, thing could easily get out of hand. I honestly forget the actual line of events, but as I was talking with Jaclyn, taking charge of the situation and setting her straight, I told her that I’m her…
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The girls fell asleep fast
I was holding ivy’s hands, caressing her arm. And holding Jackie’s foot, rubbing it. It was a great day. They spent some time with the grandparents while I went to vote and then shop for a duvet cover for ivy. And we also got a large crockpot for the apple sauce we keep making in bulk.…
