My intuition tells me to slow down my legalism in integrity. I’m hunted by the verse that says that God wins us over through love, not through punishment. I had a good day with my jackie. My big girl. Thoughtful, curious, kind. It pangs me when she asks if I still love her when she messes up. I wish I was one step ahead of her with my assurance of love. But we make due, we mend, we remember to do better.
In my quest for wise parenting, I overdo it. I try to set good boundaries and have thoughtful constructive conversations. They become more complex by the day. Exponentially so. If I didn’t have God and his wisdom to rely on, I’d be so lost!
Tonight I had the second to last lesson in my book club “second mothers”. I go into it with a prayerful heart now and I reap all the benefits. It is such a rich time, of shared challenges and faith, a reaping of ideas to implement right away, and encouragement fir the near and far future. It is surreal. I’m going to implement an idea I heard: listing all the people that love my kids, as a way to keep them connected with the extended family. I think I did this with jackie early on. But it got old, we got tired… anyway, it settles in their kind and heart that their are loved, and ultimately God loves them the most. I can’t wait to try it! One thing we have in common though is that we all pray with our kids, and the peace, confidence, healing are all evident from day to day.
I want to be more intentional in my play time and connection. Try new things, tell more stories, answer more questions, delight in their curiosity, laugh at the silly situations instead of getting frustrated. Two weeks of routine since school has started, and Ivy is loving kindergarten, and Jackie re-practicing independence, we finally got some rhythm. And for that I am grateful. I can work with this. Onward and upward. In faith.