Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Allow for miracles
I like control. I’m a good planner and I reap the benefits. I had to learn to pull back and let others give it a go, take responsibility, distribute the work. I am living on a prayer. And Keep busy. One lesson I learned and practiced as a teenager, when I was so anxious about…
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He quickly responds
Then when you call, the Lord will answer. ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply. Isaiah 58 Half asleep, I hear my daughter call me every night.In her sleep she cries out:“Mommy!”“Yes, ivy? I’m here!” Then… silence. She wakes me up As if to check.She always insists.And I respond. Begrudgingly of late.When will this…
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“My foster mom didn’t sing”
I stop humming. I look at her. I take a deep breath and ask: “would you prefer I stopped singing?” “Yes” she answered slightly embarrassed, quietly. It’s not the first time she tells me to stop singing. Ever since I met her. I blatantly disregarded her request when I used to drive her back to the…
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Widen your tent
Widen your tent to make room for the orphan. We’ve been thinking and praying for a house for a few years. The dream felt extravagant. I am grateful for my small comfortable home. But as we adopted ivy, the possibility of another biological child showing up in the system, made us realize that we would…
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Passport
I picked up the passports for both girls today. It feels powerful and freeing. We can travel. Theoretically. Because the pandemic keeps us put. For now. Still. It was a big day today. A fruitful Friday. But what I want to write about is the interaction I had with Marina, the passport lady. On Tuesday…
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Working the land
At the beginning of this year we bought an orchard. I signed the papers on the last day before the lockdown started. Those two months of cleaning dry shrubbery and tending to the garden were a heavenly gift. I would have paid someone to let me work outside. The money we invested seemed like a…
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We slept in
Then I hear someone doing dishes. The girls woke up before us, had breakfast in silence and cleaned up after themselves. Today they took Rufus out for a morning walk in the fog. They took their sweet time getting dressed and bickering about hurrying or putting on the appropriate warm clothes. As long as they…
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Why parenting is tough
I couldn’t remember the particulars, the first year we had Jackie. We were tired, but had steam. And we traveled a lot, had energy to play and to visit with friends and new places. Mom and dad came and we had adventures together. I thought that was hard. And couldn’t imagine how the second time…
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My daughters
We chisel each other. And sparks come out. Due to my tiredness, I speak my mind more freely, more unfiltered. I’m happy though, that my heart is true. I observe with fascination what drives me and what comes out under pressure. I reached my bottom line, a few times, when Jackie tried to get her…
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The Word and a Home
Turning to the WordI regain perspectiveAlmost instantlyA thirsty landIn an endless droughtDrinking up the TruthI only ought to open The pages Come and drink fresh waters A word stuck with meThat a sculptor gifted us with“Seek first the kingdom of GodAnd His righteousnessAnd everything else shall be given to you” Our father is generousAnd no…
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Fellowship online
The despair of dullness Brought to the surfaceAs we face our present state of mind, of life We are still aching from the pervasive distancing Not knowing when it would end The virus is closing in On our closest community Dangerously fear and uncertainty are suffocating The soul dullness dissipates Cleared with a gentle breath,Blown into the murky watersAnd we watch The mesmerizing ripples…
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A parent
The girls cling onto meBecause I correct themBecause I comfort them Because I don’t shy away from difficult situations The moment daddy stepped in to correct and serve their needs,I saw their respect and affection grow for him. Instantly. I don’t seek their dependency Or adoration I am a speaker of truth and I am more concerned with…
