Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Second mothers event in Cluj
I was subtly assigned the host role for a very special event, for adoptive and foster moms. I am honored and anxious about it. If I put aside my self awareness and self induced humility, I bravely pull up my sleeves and do what needs to be done, without overthinking it. My saving Grace is…
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Stubbornness, disobedience and leadership
Ivy looks at me with narrow eyes. Piercing me. I used to be like her as a kid. I had a quiet strength. And sometimes I’d get my way with my stubbornness. Mama wound give in because she would rise above the power struggle. She seemed immune to it. She adapted. This morning I was…
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Funk transition
I’m in a creative funk. Being social for me takes some creativity, some lightness of mind and heart. I would much rather put my head down and plow a field, work hard. Quietly. I am a storm of tidying up in my house and sometimes I enlist the help if others, as my drive is…
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The practice of humility
I know the theory. Too well. But my stubborn heart has a hard time embracing humility. I know I’m mostly right (in my eyes) and I won’t budge. Except today. It’s Friday. I have a lot on my plate. I registered jackie for music school in the morning. We moved the drier from the apartment…
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To love, to forgive and to need
Have you noticed how your feelings warm up towards the people who occasionally ask for your help? They show vulnerability and they elevate your position by asking for your help. A parable comes to mind: a man forgives the debt of two debtors. To one he forgives a little. To another he forgives a lot.…
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A way out
When I was 5-6 my parents prepared my lunch to eat at kindergarten. Salami was the exquisite delicious choice for my sandwich. One day they had only Zacusca to put in my sandwich. I said I don’t want it but they still gave it to me. So I threw it on the ground in the…
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ART
Chiseling is messy.The beauty of the sculptureis vaguely in the artist’s headWho ought to trust their own CreatorFor how a sculpture will turn out. Painting is messy.Stains and splashesCloudy murky waterFingerprints aroundthe apron of life. The final paintingHas a life of its ownThe shapes and shadowsThe light and the voice in itIt speaks, it sings.It…
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Friendships ebb and flow
A few years ago I was left hurt and confused by a friend’s constant cancellation of plans last minute. At some point I reached out to a mutual friend considering an intervention to help her gain perspective and support for a better work life balance. It’s been tried. I was not the only one worried at…
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Idealizing the past
I visited ivy’s foster mom this week. I promised to stay in touch and I’m a woman of my word. This year has been busy with the new house, with medical appointments and with school, online and in person. I don’t know when and how much time flew by. Ivy even forgot to ask to…
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Faithfullness
Growing up, my church community and Hollywood presented conflicting messages about romance and dating. The tension at least provided me with a broader view. And I felt I could forge my own path. My inexperience flirting during adolescence has saved me a lot of grief later in life. I didn’t like games. I still don’t.…
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Crikvenica ROM2021
It’s the morning of goodbyes. Two weeks ago many of us were complete strangers. In such a short time we became lifetime friends. We’ve learned together, played together, sang, shared and cried. The meals we shared provided interspersed extraordinary connecting time. We hiked to old castles through snake trails, crossing rivers, pushing our limits. We’ve…
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Morning prayer
For three weeks I got used to waking up before sunrise, walk up to the office to get some coffee, take a walk on the beach. Enjoying the silence, the calm sea, the fresh cool air. Camilla was my faithful companion. Alan too, while he was there. Then others took his place. We read a…
