Into the new year, in Austin

Having children pushes us out of the childish mindset, of being taken care of and instead taking he role of a care giver. It’s a rite of passage into maturity. On the other hand, it teaches us to play again. Not for our sake, but to please another, to serve, to forget yourself into play, and thus it saves us, it saves our mind, it saves ourselves from the worried apprehensive selves. The world has meaning again, depth, richness, color. 

Being a parent has been the most challenging job I ever had, and the most rewarding. As we enter the new year, after a very difficult season, we step in lightly. Hopeful, grateful, discreet. Every day we get is a gift. We are not entitled to comfort, luxury, love and peace. We are called to be bearer of good news, and to love even those who don’t love us. 

We are in Texas, spending quality time with family. The uncertainty of the pandemic, the absurd rules changing over night, made me want to stay put. We’ve stayed put for quite some time though. We took a leap of faith and got ivy the visa during the summer of 2021. But our finances dwindled. How can one dream of such a family trip? Impossible. Mom and dad wanted to see us. The extended family expressed their warmest welcome to share the holidays together. We felt wanted. And that in itself is a great place to start dreaming about a reunion. I still felt no real tug to embark on such an adventure. The Conrad got sick at the beginning of Fall. An emotional rollercoaster, an emotional storm of pain and sadness. I have encouraged him to fly by himself to the states, but he saw no point in visiting the extended family by himself. Mom and dad were great encouragers during this season. I stepped back and gave space. What a blessing to know and feel we are not alone, that he is not alone. Family matters. Even in our late 30s. We have many good friends, but there is something about a mom and a dad being there for us. 

We mustered up enough courage to dream and plan in earnest. We are wired a certain way. And we figured out a solution, to feel responsible and yet brave, to take a leap of faith. I booked the tickets and I felt such peace. This whole fall-winter I felt incredible peace, and a constant belief that God is in control, paving the way, guiding, protecting. For a year I had started hearing his voice quitter and quieter, when waiting for ivy to join us. The the rollercoaster of her adoption caused great noise in my head and around me. So I know full well what the stormy seas feel like. But I thoroughly enjoy the sun soaked days, the warm breeze, the starry night, and calm waters of the present. I am grateful. And every night I pray with my daughters, I speak of the Truth I know and feel. My words flow out of me with such clarity and strength that I myself am encouraged by the Spirit. There is freedom in Christ. The values, the belief, the courage infused by Faith… God is hard at work in our lives and through our lives. I lay my life, my heart, my mind and give it all to God. To God be the glory.