Learning to respond

When adults around me lost their shit I would not engage. It was not the freeze from flight flight or freeze 

I would ride above it and observe the adult. 

Teachers got angry grandparents got angry neighbors got angry authority in general 

They called me a mute. But as a kid, I did what wise healthy adults would do. Calmly assess the situation and learn. Not react.

I like difficult conversations today. I plunge into the deep end. I don’t shy away from the truth. I ponder what needs to be said and go for it. I practice with my family. And I grow a lot. I don’t always get it right. It exhausts me at times. Other times my conversation partners don’t engage, don’t respond. They may freeze like I used to. But the truth is always on the table. 

I want to be approachable and kind and serving. I want those around me, friend or foe, to grow and thrive in their interactions with me. I embrace humility, and I acknowledge my simple life. My low standards or low expectations. 

I engage with the unsuspecting strangers, and I love to bless them. But I don’t like entitlement. Self entitlement is my pet peeve my Achilles heel. I find it off putting. In adults and children alike. I deal with it in my kids. Occasionally the self entitlement ugly head pops up. 

I declare loud and clear that we all do what needs to be done, even when we don’t like it or don’t enjoy it. I share my own experience without apology. Life is not just fun. We discover the fun in the mundane, in the discomfort, in the work. We serve. We look for opportunities to serve. We die to self. It is never too early for my daughters to learn this. Embracing the discomfort grants us freedom. We forgo the attachment to our comforts. We must do it wiki fly at some point and not have discomfort always jut us like a crashing wave. We need to understand it, anticipate it, dive into it, like a well prepared swimmer in the rough seas. 

Protecting our kids if reality, truth, discomfort doesn’t prepare them to be whole adults. It gives them a painful handicap hard to get rid of. Imagine feeling like others are always responsible to fix you discomfort, to be your punching bag, to take care of you. It sounds lovely. It is dangerously tempting to not take responsibility for our own actions and to not own our lives, limitations, discomfort. It’s easy to poop on someone else’s day. Babies do it all the time. 

But let help our kids grow into maturity slowing them the discomfort if responsibility for their own poop and life in general. Let’s help them own their agency, and thrive in it.