Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Progress and paid work
I started to doubt that progress even exists if I can’t see it with my own eyes, if I can’t quantify it. I am keen on growing, on developing new skills, but I seem to be stuck doing the same old thing, and all I’m learning is patience and perseverance whilst keeping up hope. Honestly,…
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Music vs Math
On Wednesday morning I find myself helping Jackie with her music theory class. I’m not a musician. I studied music in school so I know the basics. But I don’t recognize instantly all the notes on the music sheet. And I don’t have a perfect pitch. But for that I have a lot of grace…
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Lumini în cetate
La inițiativa și invitația unor mame, am zis da și eu, sa ajut cum pot să pornească un grup mops și în biserica pe care o frecventez. Îmi este foarte clar care nu sunt darurile mele, și cu toate astea mă străduiesc să nu las garda jos și să fac un efort. Să cresc și…
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from tug of war to dance party
We played a tug of war for what seemed like forever. The more we pulled the more Jackie pulled back. If we pushed, she pushed. She tested and she disagreed. A lot. I knew she doesn’t do it intentionally, to annoy us. But irritate she did. Staying in the relationship during this testing season, even…
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Rugina
Din neveghere s-a atins rugina de mintea mea. Lăsată în ploaie, neadăpostită, necurățată… Totul părea în regula, dar în timp am început sa aud scârțâieli. Provocări, ispite, greutăți, nimeni nu este scutit. Ele vin și trec, și iar vin. Mai descurajată sunt când se repeta. Uneori am Impreza ca am plătit deja prețul și nu…
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Green week excursion
I was invited to join Jackie’s class for her day trips this week. In the past I have said yes, from a sense of responsibility more than a deep desire to hang out with preteens. I am friends with the teacher and we work together outside the class setting. But I have a hard time…
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Fine arts and music
Jackie has been playing the clarinet for three years. She is very talented and we delight healing her play often. She doesn’t practice daily or from her own initiative, except on occasions, but I’m so happy for her and her skill and passion. I wonder about her old desire to play the cello, or initially…
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Train ride
Before I can close the door to the girls’ room, after I helped them brush their teeth well, and I pray with them, Jackie has one more question. One more observation. Her mind races with emotions, with thoughts and opinions. If she doesn’t verbalize them with me, they churn inside her all evening. That doesn’t…
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green week and a pumpkin
“Where is mommy?” Is the first thing Ivy always asks when Conrad goes to pick her up. It hurts his feelings. And it is actually a bit annoying. Even when you expect them to ask a certain question and you know they don’t mean to hurt your feelings, it still stings. The way they turn…
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Refreshed
When the week feels repetitive and demanding, and the weekend is pre packed with social engagements, I get a bit anxious. Will I have the energy for it all? As my cup fills with good conversations, and the kids are included and present and easy going, I see old friends, we host our pastor from…
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There must be a purpose
I feel I’m in the trenches of life. Experiencing discomfort, growing pains, perspective and disillusionment to the fullest. Life is hard. I lost my perspective of joy. But I cling onto the hope that everything I suffer will birth the passion of my next chapter. I am passionate about so many things. I polish my…
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God and fear
The awe, the respect, the fear, these were modeled to me as a kid. This is what makes me shiver with life as I read the Bible. I understand this language. The adults in my life didn’t lie to me with the sweetly sickening softness. They were fair and trustworthy yet they made us tremble…
