It’s easier to talk about most things if they are in the past. Granted it takes some courage and vulnerability to open up even then, and it’s easier if you are confident in your identity. Who you are and your worth is not defined by a season in life, a set of circumstances, how you felt at some point and so on. But with practice and a clear mind, one can set the tone for honesty knowing full well the freedom that comes with it and ultimately the fruit it produces, through influencing others to follow in your footsteps. 

I was able to encourage a friend who finds herself in a deep season of burnout. Not long ago I felt angry, irritated, depleted, because I couldn’t even take a proper break from the life that drained me. 

I was speaking with genuine empathy from the shore of the other side. Reminding her how I myself felt like drowning and the action I took to swim across. And how it took a long time, and I nearly lost myself in the process, but starting the journey of true rest and rediscovering my rhythm was scary daunting. 

She opened up. And I promise I didn’t preach much. As I write this I sound like I’m talking from my high horse. For the first time I sensed some purpose in my years long burnout. I could serve a fellow leader having walked that scary uncomfortable path. 

A few weeks later, as in just the other day,  I found myself in tears at noon when I was supposed to go pickup my daughter from school and take her to clarinet practice, and go food shopping while she was there. The road up the hill to her school is in construction and it takes unusually long to get to get. It was hot and all I really wanted to do is cry to god and cry and pray. Not be in traffic. Conrad saw me and asked if I’m burning out. I said yes. He said he’ll go to school and clarinet and food shopping. So as he left I did just that. I cried with sobs and desperation. I needed that time of not rushing and staying still. My dog snugged against me. If I’m irritated he run away. But in my not so silent cry to god, he just slept against me. Evening came and I served my family a yummy dinner. The fear that I’m completely spent was an illusion. I’m tired but I didn’t fully burnout. Someone stepped in and helped. And I accepted the help. It was what I needed.