Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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My daughters
We chisel each other. And sparks come out. Due to my tiredness, I speak my mind more freely, more unfiltered. I’m happy though, that my heart is true. I observe with fascination what drives me and what comes out under pressure. I reached my bottom line, a few times, when Jackie tried to get her…
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The Word and a Home
Turning to the WordI regain perspectiveAlmost instantlyA thirsty landIn an endless droughtDrinking up the TruthI only ought to open The pages Come and drink fresh waters A word stuck with meThat a sculptor gifted us with“Seek first the kingdom of GodAnd His righteousnessAnd everything else shall be given to you” Our father is generousAnd no…
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Fellowship online
The despair of dullness Brought to the surfaceAs we face our present state of mind, of life We are still aching from the pervasive distancing Not knowing when it would end The virus is closing in On our closest community Dangerously fear and uncertainty are suffocating The soul dullness dissipates Cleared with a gentle breath,Blown into the murky watersAnd we watch The mesmerizing ripples…
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A parent
The girls cling onto meBecause I correct themBecause I comfort them Because I don’t shy away from difficult situations The moment daddy stepped in to correct and serve their needs,I saw their respect and affection grow for him. Instantly. I don’t seek their dependency Or adoration I am a speaker of truth and I am more concerned with…
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Warmth
I wonder about how this season of pandemic is traumatizing our kids, who already have a history of trauma. Then I see the irony. Because I feel increasingly traumatized as a parent. I am tired of nagging. I have always made a conscious effort not not nag. But as I repeat the same encouragement or…
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Weekend away for Jackie’s birthday
Conrad was getting over a cold/ allergic reaction to campfire smoke. We were on edge and making wise calculated decisions seemed harder and harder to accomplish. Our empathizing with each other’s exhaustion only made things worse. We started dragging each other down. Like a derailing train we were. Nothing too unusual on the outside, but…
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letter to my altmann crew
Lately I feel that I lost my way with words. My brain feels scrambled. I don’t make much sense as I write or as I read my own freshly written thoughts. I’m coasting. To clearer shores. I hope my boat won’t sink. After chatting with mom, I felt inspired to write my Altmannside sisters. And…
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Today I hold the new certificate in hand
We are happy. Fulfilled. Exhausted. I look at the joyous pictures we took during the first visits. And then later, when she came home. We were genuinely happy. If I take the mental tiredness out of the equation, we could be pretty happy now too. I had an hour chat with my mother in law.…
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Risk
I’m not a risk taker. This is why I’m not the most proficient business developer. I like to serve, and I lead by necessity. As a kid, as the youngest and as a girl, I assumed complete contentment and happiness with less. Less than my brother. Hand-me-downs. I’m not competitive. But I’ve made many good…
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When we are so worn out we don’t see the cuteness
Everything is irritating. I started dreading certain moments of the day. But tonight I had a persuasive talk with the girls. I told them like this: Mommy and daddy are the responsible adults who love them and want what’s best for them. We will do everything in our power to keep them safe, loved and…
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When mommy reaches her limit
Rockbottom limit. One evening, I finished the day, crawling to the finish line. I brushed the girls teeth, I had already read them stories. Changed them in pajamas. And I said I’m going to take a bath. I didn’t have it in me to sit around in the dark, rubbing Jackie’s foot in one bed,…
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Obedience
When I am exhausted and I chose the lazy way, in the moment seems more patient and loving. Except it isn’t. We were cooking dinner. The girls wanted to help. They put in the pasta. And they wanted to cut the bell pepper. I split it in two and they both got to chopping. I…
