We chisel each other. And sparks come out.
Due to my tiredness, I speak my mind more freely, more unfiltered. I’m happy though, that my heart is true. I observe with fascination what drives me and what comes out under pressure.
I reached my bottom line, a few times, when Jackie tried to get her way by skirting the truth. I don’t pretend I don’t see it. Sometimes it would be easier to avoid the tension, but I choose to confront her. With sharp laser focus. I tell her about the importance of honesty, trust, about my unwavering standard and having a future built on integrity. I know this seems high and mighty talk for a 7 year old, but my emotions were invested, my speech clear and eloquent and I was not bluffing.
My honest emotions break the hard shell of my stubborn girl. Who hardens when I overly correct. She dismisses me with a stoic ok. But these two back to back conversations she broke into tears. And I was there, with her, emotionally raw and available. She hugged me tight, I held her near. I assured her of my love and commitment. Forever. No matter what. And she re-committed to the truth. And I see it as another layer, a fight with our ego, our self gratification, a drive to embrace honesty.
Ivy had a front row seat to this conversation. She doesn’t lie. Her honesty is disarming and I think it’s more than her young age. She wears her emotions on her sleeve but doesn’t internalize hurt as much as Jackie does. And whatever manipulation is expressed in her grumpy reaction of disapproval to our choices and parenting. But then she remains connected. What a journey parenting is! I’m glad for the double perspective and challenge.