Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
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“Why did you do that?”
This question doesn’t get real answers often. It’s like a rhetorical question, for kids. And I try not to ask it. But it slips our lips more often than I’d like to admit. Some of my eldest daughter’s actions baffle me. So the struggle is real. And sometimes she answers so insightfully that we can…
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A great day
The alarm clock went off at 5:40. It was already light outside, so we woke up before the alarm, and lingered in bed, in silence. Then Conrad went down, opened all the windows so the crisp breeze paired with the chirping of birds would refresh our senses. Then he started the coffee. He was planning…
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No two nights are the same
It will get worse before it gets better. We are in the thick of it. Exhausted physically and emotionally. Ivy was great the first 24 hours. She slept through the night. The first evening she only once said we should call her foster mom. Then she got back to playing. The night was sooth. She…
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Last night without Evelyn
I could see clear progress the last few weeks, before the court’s decision to entrust Evelyn to us for good. I honestly thought the delay was pointless and will do more harm than good. Especially now that we had developed a tight relationship with our daughter. I tried to be so efficient. It’s in my…
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Another month went by
At noon Ivy called. We were in the center, on the citadel. She was happy and informed us that she is coming to Cluj, to be with us. It was a very sweet call and reassuring about her state of mind and willingness to join us. We read between the lines, of course, and maybe…
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Surely God is with us
inspired by Isaiah 45:15 Fear has paralyzed my sensesCould these people interfere with our adoptionCould we lose our daughterJust out of spite?Would they? I kept reading your WordTo remember.You are for us.You are always present.Even when it seems you are hidingLike a Father in the parkWatching from safe distanceTo see what we doIn such a…
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Parenting paradox
Having a 3 year old around is energizing. I can see the irony in the above statement.We’ve welcomed the respite of peace and silence when jackie spends the day with the grandparents. But right now we long to have our kids with us. To drink up from the closeness, the snuggles, the music, the drawing…
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June 1st, 2018
“Open your eyes and you will see that I am God. You will see that I am in all things. You will see that I do everything. You will see that I have never ceased to carry out my plans, nor will I ever cease. You will see that I am leading all things to…
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Stories
When we adopted Jackie, I traveled back in time and I got to live part of a childhood I didn’t have. There were no bedtime stories. My grandma made us read Psalms at night, to keep my cousins and I occupied. I always suspected it was a trick to help my cousins with their reading.…
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Pain.
No matter how beautifully we paint the adoption story, there is a lot of ache, peppered throughout the journey. I am unapologetically optimistic. My hope is in the Lord. But I still know full well that, the weeks to come, many tears will be shed. By our daughters, by us, by the foster family. For…
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Adoption day
After the country wide lockdown ended, we were finally able to travel and see our youngest daughter. Ah! Sweet reunion! She ran into our arms and stayed like that for a while. To this day I remember my dad’s facial expression, his eyes, his smile, welcoming me in his big strong arms, as I ran…
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Ways we tried to prepare Ivy for the big move
We are aware there is going to be a mourning period in her transition to us, her forever family. She has been well loved and spoiled in her foster family. She hasn’t lacked for much there. Especially during her early childhood. Living on a farm is pretty idyllic. But Ivy goes to bed at 10…
