Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Advice
I have made so many mistakes this year. Soon I started to feel like I don’t know anything anymore. And that I’m about to loose my mind or I will run away. Conrad can attest to it. All my book smarts were useless as I felt swept under the vortex of emotions in my tiny…
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Porcelain
Porcelain Out of tears and ashes I hear you. I see you. My cup emptied I feel weightless As I stand in front of you Witnessing your storm I did not know How releasing my “poems of waiting” Will rewrite my DNA It will ready me To be your helper Your strong ally In the…
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Like butter
We mingle with family like butter on toast, making the crunchy bits less loud, salty and appealing. Last night we had a best game of find and seek with the grandparents. We were all exhausted by evening time, or maybe just Grammie was most tired, as she spent the morning with all the granddaughters making…
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Not a burden
I remember my grandma saying she didn’t want to be a burden. She put wird’s to s feeling I grew up with. I never felt I was a burden. Though I tiptoed around the house the days my parents were resting before or after their night shifts. I wasn’t loud. I kept to myself. Before…
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In the darkest hour of your night
I may start a collection of conversations before bedtime with my daughters. Yesterday morning j was frustrated that she needs to do her back stretches while ivy was doing a puzzle. She feels that being younger is easier. I agree. What she forgets is that and she is younger than me. She asked in her…
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Addiction to guilt?
The beauty of faith is that one can lay the burden at the cross and move on freely. No guilt. No shame. Genuine repentance and acceptance of forgiveness. In their perfect imperfect parenting, though my mom says she felt pangs of guilt scolding us and then leaving for work, worrying that she left us with…
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Love for other children
My good-old friend Carmen has this sweetness expressed in her eyes, her words, to kids, many kids, my kids. Long ago interactions with my daughters make a lasting impression. Jackie said one day: “Carmen loves me.” How do you know? I ask. “Because of the way she greets me and calls me beautiful and sunshine.”…
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Into the new year, in Austin
Having children pushes us out of the childish mindset, of being taken care of and instead taking he role of a care giver. It’s a rite of passage into maturity. On the other hand, it teaches us to play again. Not for our sake, but to please another, to serve, to forget yourself into play,…
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A stretch of anxiety
As I sat too long in a heightened sense of caution, of outward and inward stimulation, even getting close to the cliff of worry makes me nervous. I used to thrive in the intense seasons. I felt pumped, keenly aware, driven, motivated and able to accomplish a lot. My footing is unsure now. A short…
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Simplified engaging American style
We went to church. It’s Christmas week, and quite the experience for ivy. Though initially they were going to go to Sunday school, the kids had a christmas pageant and our daughters stayed with us in second row center. It’s a Presbyterian church mom and dad go to. it was an engaging morning, with carols…
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Do you like having kids?
We were driving to a quaint Texan town down South. I was in the back with the girls, mom and auntie Halie. We were talking about the challenge of bedtime, that all parents struggle with. The hostage-like situation. The delay. And the obvious difference between how long it takes a dad vs. a mom to…
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To keep you safe
That is the prerogative of parents. It can be used a a safety rail in setting any and all relevant boundaries of time and space. parents don’t need to lie to protect their kids. Most of our decisions could fall under the safety category. And we can be honest about it. “I’d love to grant…
