Like butter

We mingle with family like butter on toast, making the crunchy bits less loud, salty and appealing. 

Last night we had a best game of find and seek with the grandparents. We were all exhausted by evening time, or maybe just Grammie was most tired, as she spent the morning with all the granddaughters making cupcakes. 

We had lots of curtains, storage rooms, couches and laundry room to hide in or behind. The girls were quiet. The counter well. And even the adults had fun. We all took a turn counting and the night ended on an sweet and cuddly note. 

The girls blend in. They adapt to playing with the older boy cousins as well as with the younger girl cousin. Somehow they can spend hours giggling, inventing games, playing nice. What a blessing. For the adults especially. 

We watched the matrix with Maggie and mike. And went camping with Halie and Jim. We explored museums with the grandparents and sat around the living room reading books. 

If I could share a word of wisdom, that would be Listen more, speak less, but when you speak be truthful and kind. Ah, I love the riveting conversations and I appreciate when others engage with intelligent opinions. Every family deals with tension of some sort and it dawned on me that it all stems from unsolved childhood trauma, misunderstanding peoples intentions, words, distrust of kindness. Others can’t fix us. No matter how much other adults try to help, they can’t fix one’s pain, fear, frustration. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their own dysfunction. Acknowledge it. File it away. 

Adults trigger each other. One word, one comment at a time. I can be objective because I’m so far away from my own culture, family. It helped to have lived elsewhere for years, and to work in environments where I learned to deal with people and to grow. For me is very exciting to see my husband deal with things first hand, that don’t involve my culture, my country, my native language. I take my hands off of it and observe. 

And yet… we are the peace-makers. Up to a point. As outsiders it’s easier to mingle, fit in, connect. Learning to be quiet or to speak up timely, to say an encouraging word, to get up and help when needed. My girls have been mostly self aware and adaptable. They sometimes say to me in Romanian: “but I’m not in the mood for this or that.” We assess and see if our brains will turn to mush or our hands will fall off if we do something to appease someone or it’s a matter of principle to not engage. Most often I must say, even the girls take the high road. Thigh in their childhood mind, it doesn’t make much sense to do anything else other than what give you immediate pleasure. I promise you, you won’t die, you won’t lose yourself, you will keep your mental and physical integrity if you do something good for others at the expense of your comfort and immediate satisfaction. Serve others. Experience pure unaltered joy.