Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Connected
The last few weeks, maybe months, I have felt disconnected. Though I function in society, I am connected to people, I serve, I enjoy life, I live, at a deeper level I have felt unsure, a bit cautious, and disconnected. What if I’m completely off tracks? I wrote a piece to break the ice, for…
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When it clicks
When I run out of solutions, I blatantly point my husband or my kids to God. “Ask Him!” I say. Pray about it. I don’t know anymore. It is not a secret that my biggest trigger is a disrespectful or ungrateful attitude. I wonder sometimes if my eyes trick me and I jump to conclusions.…
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Repair
They say it is better to make mistakes and repair than to be a perfect parent. So they say. A bone that breaks but heals well, it’s stronger than the bone that never broke. I assume it’s the other leg of the same person so we have generally the same bone density to begin with.…
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Connection
When we are at odds with out kids, we know what they need most is connection. When they whine, they misbehave, they push boundaries, if we as parents find a way to rise above the drama, feel mercy, feel empathy, show kindness, express honesty, then the connection is reestablished. For a few days we struggled.…
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Bias
Bias is a disproportionate weight in favor of or against an idea or thing, usually in a way that is closed-minded, prejudicial, or unfair. Biases can be innate or learned. People may develop biases for or against an individual, a group, or a belief. In science and engineering, a bias is a systematic error inclination…
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Letter to my daughters
Before I knew you, before I become your mother, I thought about what I will leave to you. In fact, my keen desire to pass on the gifts I received, led me to adopt you. Not so much the material things, but a feeling of belonging, of security, to make room for you in the…
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Strong foothold
My youngest demonstrates early critical thinking. She questions questionable matters. The other day she was convinced that the Alias board can unfold once more. Most board games in Austin were larger. We hasn’t played this one in two months. She kept trying to peel off to unfold it further. We told her this one is…
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Helping our kids grow up
It has been nearly two months since ivy went to kindergarten last. She find pleasure in it every time she goes, but we struggle with some separation anxiety, which is more intense than two years ago. The fears are more acute. She is more stubborn and aware. We tested both girls for covid, as is…
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Playmates
I overhear the girls talking. Jackie wants to play by herself an imaginary games with her dragons. They usually play together at an average childish level, with the babies, princess dolls, the cars, the playhouse, LEGO, they color together, they read together, they sled, jump, hide, play board games. The list is huge. But today…
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Farewell Austin
There is pain and beauty in this dance we do, this ebb and flow. We appreciate family time, we expand our boundaries of grace, we practice humility and gratitude in ways we wouldn’t know how, if family was always within reach.
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Asking thoughtful questions
As a kid, I haven’t felt I earned a place in adult conversations. Also, I didn’t care to partake. Most adult conversations were not interesting to me. But I learned to pay attention. Nobody is born socially apt and knowledgeable. Some of us are more gifted, or charming, or are naturally good listeners. Or maybe…
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Fumbling vs confidence
For the most part, we fumble in the dark. In retrospect our parents seemed so sure of themselves. Deep down, their griped the core values, while the expression of life was more made up on the go. Today, because we live such exposed lives, we try to polish the outside, while our core values remained…
