Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Contextual reading
I re-read Psalm 132 in Romanian. It doesn’t have the same hint of favoritism as I sensed in the English version. It does not compare my value and my worth today with a specific dwelling in time and space. I’m reminded of the power of languages. And I don’t even speak the original Hebrew version. …
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Too much or too little attention
The need to be seen, to be acknowledged, is timeless, ageless, borderless. I start from a place of awe and gratitude that I am even included. I know I am valued, loved and safe, but for some reason I have this sense of being invisible. I sometimes take my leave from parties without saying goodbye…
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Dialog despre Adopție
“Un gând care nu-mi dă pace” fraza cu care ne-au abordat mai mulți prieteni dornici sa afle mai multe despre ce înseamnă sa adopți un copil. Așadar îi invitam la o Conversație pe toți cei pe care gândul adopției nu le da pace. La un dialog. Sa confruntam realitatea. Sa aflam despre procedura, despre asumarea…
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Mudslide
It felt like a whirlwind, a mudslide of noise, opinions, decisions. Spending money is the sauce for extra stress. And this month I had to pay our property taxes, rent income tax, health insurance, and there are a few trips coming up. We bought equipment for hiking in Austria, and my biggest burden this fall,…
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Two kids 3 years apart
I helped ivy wash her hair. The tin in the house is smaller than it was at the apartment. They could fit together in it still, when we moved in 2021. Now they can’t. They Barely fit alone. I drained the water and then it was Jackie turn. She called me to help her rinse…
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Back home
Something reset in me in the hospital. I hate the fact that I’m so predictable and dramatic medical events manage to get me out of myself. I had to stop being admired in the hospital with my daughter. The law not only allows but encourages parents to be admitted in the hospital and stay with…
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About hospitals
We had to wait one more night before we can go home. This establishment accepts guests with a minimum 3 night stay. 🤪 A few more tests. Future-proofing the respiratory adventure. Needless to say we were disappointed. But we reset our mind. We imagined we’re on vacation. Jackie was only occasionally nervous about the needles, the…
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Stress bursting into pain within the body
We ended the year looking for an answer to Conrad’s intense stomach pains. As I shared with him my stress load, as we put it into words, and I took steps towards self care, his stomach pangs eased. Maybe it was the medicine, maybe it was the naming of the stress factors. The reality is…
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The Power of our thoughts
There is a famous Bible story, about a man named Peter who briefly walked on water.On a stormy night, the disciples were sailing across the sea. At dawn, among the waves, they saw Jesus walking across the water toward them. Despite their justifiable fear, Peter, one of his disciples, asked Jesus to call him out…
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First hospital admission
Jackie was having a hard time breathing. We stayed at home these days. She didn’t do any extraneous activities. The air has been particularly bad this winter. Overly warm. No rain. No wind. The smog lingered. Gave Conrad a hard time with his allergies. So he stayed home more. I ran errands. Jackie finished school…
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Insight in the new year
I figured out something. Two things actually. I didn’t listen to my body, to my limits, and tried to do multiple things at the same time. Now my body doesn’t listen to me, and sends me warning signals even for no reason. We need to regain this mutual trust between my will and my strength. It’s…
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First brunch with friends like family
Feeling at home with introverts Socializing is like an out of body experience. As of late. Even if I meet people, and I’m polite and engaging, I reached a new level of numbness. First joy disappears. I’m not sure if not feeling fully present / awake/ engaged is a step towards healing or a sign…
