Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Jackie’s insight
We are planning a two weeks trip without the kids this summer. A trekking across the Austrian alps, from hut to hut. With other adults. The girls will go to piatra with my parents, and they are mostly excited about this adventure. We are too. But the other night Jackie cried herself to sleep, that…
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Our first Recession
Newlyweds at the end of 2007. That year we got married, moved to California, started new jobs that were intense, demanding, full time. After four years of college and summer internships, full time work felt draining, stuck, oppressive. But I was commuted to pull through. To get used to it, to take the bull by its…
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a moment of clarity
Dear friends, it has been a full year. Too full. I feel completely spent. The more I did, the more it felt like it’s not enough. I befriended so many new wonderful people in 2022, but as time is limited, I feel I have neglected many old friendships. It is more joyous to give than…
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Burnout
I have prioritized other with the best intentions but for the first time I felt the consequences of focusing outwardly. I met great people, I served in fantastic causes but my inner circle was neglected, as well as my well-being. I had hoped the giving will slow down but people will take as much as…
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Reflecting on the wild 2022 ride
I’m slowing down slowly. Regaining my balance is tedious work. Right now the more I rest the more I need rest. I anxiously put out of my mind the thought of returning to life as it was before the holidays. In retrospect we lived 2022 with a baggage of fear. Last year before Christmas Conrad…
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2022
The year of many new friends. We threw ourselves into new circumstances, served and made friends. The people we met this year are brilliant, kind, driven. We are enriched but we are also spent. I’ve focused on serving others, on where I’m needed, on how I can enrich other people’s lives. But the key which…
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See all this fancy beauty?
It’s not how I feel. The crafts, the glitter, the elegance. I feel like a fraud. I’m quiet and shy. I’ve been out of my comfort zone for a year, doing things that don’t come natural to me. I want to serve. I want to bless others. I want to be a vessel of healing…
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DRAFT – legacy the power of our thoughts
Our thoughts about motherhood affect our ability to live out our responsibilities well. I had years to prepare for motherhood, starting from youthful indifference, as life was too busy and fulfilling without kids, to yearning for it. Wrestling with this longing to care for a child and share of the abundance of love, knowledge and…
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Christmas 2022 school events
“will you stay to see me dance?” asks ivy as we are doing a craft, a Christmas wreath with her class. The event lasted two hours instead of one. I had to run midway to take Jackie to music school for her clarinet exam. then drive back to catch the Santa gifts giving and caroling.…
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Journey to self care
I was frustrated, anxious, irritated that people had increasing expectations of me. In reality though, I thought I was frustrated that they don’t see beyond their urgent need, or desire. But I was more upset with me for not speaking up kindly and clearly. I wanted someone to defend my time, to preserve my energy.…
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Conversation before bedtime
The girls pray for sweet dreams and thank god for the good day they had. I pray with gratitude, about healing, about their past, about their future, and I always thank god for the privilege of being their mom. I speak words of faith and joy and blessings over them. They flow out of me…
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Delight
I’m an empath. Overly aware of people emotions, even when they try to come across as nice, if deep down they don’t enjoy my company, I feel it. For this reason, the summer I spent with mama Gloria, as a daughter, I was treated with such delight, generosity of heart, and the elegant simple room…
