Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
-
Self righteousness
Though I like to reflect on my life in writing, I catch myself sounding self righteous and I don’t like it. My positive outlook, my self reassurance, it is rooted in struggle. I think at times, the more self righteous I sound, the more insecure I am and I talk myself up through my introspection. …
-
Balance without apology
I don’t take initiative out of a great sense of ability, I do it because of my realization of how inadequate I feel. In the same breath I am convinced that if I feel so inadequate, then others must feel the same. So I take a step forward. While doing this unaware, and using a…
-
Reflecting on Church after Gmunden
I grew up in a broad community that adhered to a set of values and beliefs, and though my neighborhood was at the edge of the city, limited in many ways (economically and politically), we transcended our boundaries of space and time. Early on in my life I traveled all over the country, meeting new…
-
Two weeks away
My parents stepped up to the plate. When we left the kids with them for three days they coasted together, without firm boundaries, letting us catch up from where we left, with the routines of rest, food, washing. This time they had to rise to the challenge and not wait for us, but actually make…
-
Recognition
In my formative years I did not witness healthy balanced and consistent words of appreciation. I learned to make do without. I even insulate my heart from desiring such encouragement. But I do enjoy it in small doses when it’s not premeditated. After the hike, when two people were particularly recognized and appreciated for their…
-
Back to reality
Though the comfort is luxurious, and the conversations thrilling, the company enjoyable, I miss the simplicity of my life, of my home, of my home cooked meals. Brian went from steady determination to do a difficult hike, many days in a row, to a wild let loose have fun, be silly, tired but exuberant. Ken…
-
Reconciliation
It’s an old scar. Why bring it up? Everyone has forgotten. I have forgiven daily I have forgiven myself for getting caught in the middle I have forgiven themFor they did not know what they were doing.For a year I did not rush into healingNor tried to cover it up.I went away to nurse my broken heartAnd it has…
-
Control
I was not confident in a loud way. I would silently do what I believed is good, without the need for affirmation. Humility pairs well with sustainable courage. And it is disarming to let things slide, let people slide, and not feel the need to be right in the eyes of others. Nothing can buy…
-
The last day of the hike
The trails blend in my memory. We’ve had high highs and low lows. Metaphorically and literally. This morning we woke up more rested than I expected. The large shared room had double beds separated by a thin wood board. We even had a window above us that stayed open all night. This style rooms are called…
-
3rd day of the hike
We knew it was going to be cold, but not that cold. It snowed the whole day. The world is sizzling hot around the globe and we have snow in July in the Alps. When we packed, it was hard to imagine that we would need such warm clothing. Today we put on all the…
-
Hiking hut to hut
After sleeping at the base of the mountain, a bit anxious about the adventure we were about to undertake, wondering about what will be hard, painful, beautiful, what will push us to our limits, wondering if we packed everything we will need… In the morning we walked down the road to the bus stop that was going…
-
How are you doing?
A question that most often doesn’t receive a good enough answer. We are too comfortable to get vulnerable. It’s a lot of work. It can be embarrassing. But then again, that is the point. We are all carrying different weights. We are all hurt. We have different but very personal longings. Rest. True rest. Community.…
