“This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult. Because once it has been accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy.”
The road less traveled
When the psychologist tried to dissuade us from adopting, by putting out front all the problems child rearing comes with, and how adopted children come with their own set of challenges, they are people with needs, desires, hurt, and we will take the role of the adult helping them to navigate life. They said it’s not easy. And I believed her. I actually knew before she said it. And I still chose to take the road less traveled, to become a mom, to sacrifice, to love, to give, to be there for them and help them grow up. I felt I had a few options in front of me: the easy life now, riddled with regret in my old age, because when I had the wits and energy and finances to invest in a new life, I didn’t. So I chose the hardship I didn’t fully know or understand for the vague promise of fulfillment. Present sacrifice for later reward. I don’t think we had any pressure from the outside world once we discovered we actually couldn’t have kids. And California is not the place for parenting pressure. Or people are not as nosy or gossipy. They bluntly ask and then move on. I liked that.
Anyway, life was short as we found out with a hard diagnostic. We realized we will not live forever, so we might as well leave something behind, raise the next generation and not complain about other people’s parenting styles. When you are too busy loving and raising your kids, with humility because there is no other way, you don’t have as much time to judge. You also understand and read between the lines of parenting.
Life wasn’t meant to be easy. We freeze in the trenches when we haven’t accepted the hardship as it is. Life is hard. There is no other way. Parenting grinds you. Your hearing, your patience, your availability and your finances. It still baffles me that we chose it. Fully aware. Knowingly. Informed. Forewarned. I was pretty sadistic by nature always looking for the hardest road because I wanted the experience. Well. Here it is. In its full splendor. But I have had a few sweet days with each of my girls individually. They go to school at different times and I am never alone, but I get alone time with each of them. It’s a season. A good season if I am wise to see it.
I have been hard on myself. I questioned my life choices, my sanity, my mental health. I do my very best when I have the energy to push ahead. Sometimes I take a nap. And the grace of rest works wonders.