Category: teenage stuff
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Welcome to the Sisterhood
Celebrating one’s birthday is complicated. Bringing together diverse people from different circles takes creativity & flexibility. I usually need to be in a particular mood to visualize such a party and bring it into play. After coming up with a couple approaches to Jackie’s upcoming 13th birthday, none of them seemed just right. She had…
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Lone wolf
I have inadvertently taught my daughters to stand alone. Comfortably. If you know who you are and what you stand for, it’s not just easy but it is necessary to go the opposite way from the crowd sometimes. I saw some pictures from ivy’s last birthday. She had 3 colleagues come over. And it was…
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Tolerate frustration
A good predictor of success in adults, is how well they tolerate frustration as kids. And why. If we as adults are afraid to see our kids frustrated, they won’t just internalize the belief that they are not capable of being uncomfortable, but they will also be vulnerable to the fear of disconfort they read…
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Clear boundaries
By all accountsI am friendly and I enjoy my kids’ companyWe have fun togetherBut I’m not their friend. I’m their mom.A safe space.A confident leader.Warm & wise.Clear and kind.Firm and familiar. I do not seek their approvalAnd at times I know they won’t like meAnd that’s ok. I reserve the right to pull backAnd give…
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Teen Connection
There isn’t an instant solution to fixing the disconnection from our teens. But noticing or being aware of a disconnection is great to place to start. But it is possible that it will take us just as long to reconnect, as it took us to drift apart. I used to talk a lot about connecting…
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Visit
I promise we usually take slow steps. If it was up to ivy,At this age,unfiltered, unencumbered friendliness,She would invite friends over to playevery day. After the movie night,5 hours of chats, food, games and movieThe night was sweet and warm and playfulAnd they all stayed longer stillIn front of our houseAfter walking Rufus. But I…
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Being replaced
I know my daughters so well, it’s trippy. Only on days like today when I feel overstimulated by words, an avalanche of ideas, plans and excitement, I tap out and say I need a few moments of silence. My brain feels fried, irritable. I want my thoughts to stop racing. Doing something productive helps. I…
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Validating emotions
For a decade I have been validating my daughter’s emotions. I feel conflicted these days because of my imagined social pressure to discourage her exclusive romantic interests, as she & him are quite young. Nobody said anything, but I feel I should have taken a firmer stance earlier. But after a lifetime of validating her…
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Fear & control
You can’t control how he will feel in a yearYou can’t control how you will feel either.You can only choose to act with kindnessAnd be honestThis is the only thing you could expect from him as well.A tall order as is,But reasonable Why fear of replacement?Because without your actual choiceyou replaced you bio mom I…
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In the kitchen
I am not that patient to show my kids step by step how to cook. I reluctantly give them the wheel but I try to share of what I’m doing as much as they are willing to learn. I like to cook alone. It is my time to process thoughts and I meditate and enjoy…
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Rooted wisdom. Kind words.
I’m storing in my heart the incredibly kind things Jackie says to me. But my heart is full, so as to not forget, I’ll store some of her quotes here as well. She is about to turn 13, and we talk honestly about everything. She asks questions and shares her heart and listens well. Out…
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how love takes root
I made a decisionTo love my daughterwholly and completelyForever. And so far so good. Love is mysterious.I gave firstAnd served.I waited Love is not just a feelingIt is a decision and knowledgeKnowing someonePatiently and kindlyFuels the fire of feelings I enjoy my daughter’s companyHer mind and her heartShe is determined and willingCapable and extraordinaryStubborn and…