When she comes to me wide eyed, worrying that something is wrong with her feelings, I smile and tell her to slow down & observe her emotions. It may be my saving grace, to have this insatiable hunger to understand, and the difficult-to-manage feelings become tame, as I look at them with wide eyes and without fear.
- “I am annoyed” she says. “I don’t know why”.
- “Is it something he said or didn’t say, something he did or didn’t do and you wish he did?”
I smile and wait for the questions to sink in. We are sometimes afraid to admit to our own selves what and why we feel certain feelings. I don’t need an answer. I think if she stays in the discomfort of not knowing but facing the truth, following the thread of what is happening within herself, that in itself is gain.
The truth is that she is young. He is young. Unripe fruit. Not ready to pick. And yet they explore what it means to like another and be liked in return. This is so validating, affirming, soothing for the heart. A person of the opposite sex finds you cool and interesting and attractive. And while both are so innocent, this exchange of valuable information sets the foundation for how they will navigate relationships going forward. I did my best to help her. And I loved expressing my kind approval of their budding romance – though he may have not understood fully the gift of adult’s awareness and encouragement.
Shy, nervous, excited. Smiling without aparent cause …just because the other one is near.
Maybe now that things calmed down and the rhythm of school is not in the way, one can resume their regular interests and self-development. Life doesn’t stop when you like someone. It just expands your mind and heart and life, but one has to continue to strengthen their character and faith and pursue knowledge and maturity. When one becomes too absorbed by romance they can lose themselves and become flat, uninteresting. Maintaining alive the romantic interest is secondary to being interesting, and for that, both need to live life and pursue their unique passions and self development.
Can you be yourself even when someone pursues your heart? Is he generous enough? Are you generous and kind? I may have learned the hard way that there is incredible freedom in acting generously early, without expecting anything in return. Fear makes us closed off, testing the waters, waiting for the other person’s reaction. But true balance is found within, not in relation to another, even as they continue to learn this new dance of teenage friendship.