This school year was as we hoped it would be. Smooth coasting, even with Jackie’s afternoon classes, and a possibly hectic schedule. The individual time I had with each girl was awesome. And I had energy and attention. We set boundaries and we respected them.
Jackie continued to play the clarinet at home, nearly daily. She has grown in height & confidence. Ivy has acquired more independence and found more of her voice, even if in school not so much. She made friends and was able to articulate clearly what is amiss in school. For that reason I made a formal request to transfer her to the parallel class. I haven’t gotten a response yet about the approval. But the wheels are in motion.
I can see clearly what could be better, even though I see very well all the things that could be worse. I am grateful for the parents and the colleagues even if the class management is disorganized, much like the kids’ attachment and respect fur authority.
This makes learning difficult.
Jackie seems to be burning through a crush as I walk alongside her to ask questions and listen and live intensely. What could go wrong eventually? She looses interest, mostly because of his lack of courage to tell his parents that he likes her. I don’t know why but this is a possible breaking point for her, or currently a sore spot. She is made to believe that he is hiding her or not proud of who she is.
Yet he is considerate, kind. Polite, shy and interesting, smart and driven, generous in words of affirmation. Meanwhile she acts sassy as she usually is, or seems disinterested, cool or distant. But she is also direct, funny yet sarcastic especially if she feels she treads on uncertain terrain.
I felt bad for him and told her to release him if she is not interested or can’t be clear & thus kind to him. She did not listen to that advice because she wasn’t ready to let him go.
Exploring exciting emotions on the eve of adolescence and having someone to share them with… now that is addictive and it takes a lot of will power to do the right thing even if it goes against one’s selfish desires.
Her interest in this boy extended to his family and was quite contagious for me. All of a sudden I became aware of the parents and became intrigued to know them better, but I had to slow down to her speed and his openness to allow for them to get to know each other better. This was quite triggering. I felt like a teen myself. Probably trying to match their openness. But I had overcome such shyness a long time ago. It is not my style to hold back and dance around a topic. Though at times as I thought he is pulling away I was relieved that nothing was official and I could pull back into anonymity without any explanation.
Yes, had we found a rhythm of friendship with the parents, when the kids lost interest in each other, if their friendship was the catalyst, it would be rather awkward to continue to chat with them. And yet, I truly think they are cool people, interesting, smart and we have shared values.
After this weekend we are going to Croatia for two weeks. I’m looking forward to the reset. And stepping away from this routine. Even hiking yesterday helped me reset my heart and mind.