With mom and dad we could do only some light hikes. And our feet were already itching for the hills.
We get ready with the promise of tired legs at the end, a heart pumping healthily in our chests, sweat running down our backs and a clearer mind.
I felt teary driving up to the chosen trail. The word that comes to mind is psychological pain, due to the technical difficulties I am encountering – and getting rid of the hacker who keeps trying to remain attached to my name. But the moment I release that pressure, as a conscious decision to not let the future ruin the present, I gain perspective. Sheer willpower is not enough though. For me this uncomfortable tracking has to do with taking myself out of the familiar to forget the stresses from ground level.
The heat was really oppressive on the hill that was facing the sun, nearing the noon. We were the only hikers there. We finally hit the woods and went a bit of trail using a paper map to find our bearings. The pine tree smell and dry ground is divine. We were all uncomfortable for the first half of the hike. Sweat beads on all our foreheads, and aching legs. We are out of practice already.
I like hiking in silence. To let my thoughts drain out of me. And because of a difficult conversation I had with Jackie, she let me be. I feel like I have said all the words I ever needed to impart with her. I’m sure she’ll have more questions soon enough. But it feels like I just need to take one step back and let her find her balance. Trust the process. Let her fall if that’s what needs to happen. She is brilliant, present, available, but also unaware of most social responsibilities. She has learned to be kind, and practiced to take initiative thanks to her beau. I wonder though how much of her harder personality she should preserve still and how much to let go and adapt. Time will tell. But I am currently very tired. Very tired to interpret and reflect with her and discuss to no end her dilemmas and questions.
I fear that she is in an overload of information and everything I say is overflow. Good wisdom spilled on the floor, draining through the cracks like the water she sprinkled out around the curtain when taking a shower the other day.
The girls have finished their bath and shower after the hike. My turn to go refresh myself. This Saturday is good after all.