Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
-
Post-adoption celebration
It’s mid January. After three weeks of freezing temperatures, today got warmer and it rained. Today we started kindergarten too, after three weeks of vacation. We’ve been preparing our hearts for quite some time to have this adoption reunion in the complete formula. We celebrate family. In a word of “different”, it is incomparable to…
-
She takes after you
We savor the journey of discovering Jackie as the unique person she is. Often she has certain tendencies, different from us, true sparks of genius, and we joke about who she takes after. Isn’t adoption adventurous?! We see us in her, at different times, and we marvel. She only emulates our habits, our facial expressions,…
-
January 10
Jackie’s prayer tonight “Dear God, thank you for how I played today, thank you for Luca, thank you for the family that You made for me. Thank you for Rufus. Please watch over my sister, and whisper in her ear that she is loved, and that we’ll be reunited soon.” Then earlier today… “I know…
-
Rebuilding trust
Winter is depressing. It doesn’t seem to get better with time either. We can easily slide back into old habits of stubborn selfishness. Winter can also be lonely. For self-preservation we learn to detach emotionally. Especially because detaching is not sudden, it is that more dangerous. It erodes. It erodes trust, hope. If we still…
-
Dreams and losses
“Shame grows in secrecy, silence and judgment, but it can’t survive surrounded by empathy.” There are a few parenting topics which I realize people don’t talk much about. One of them is the incipient stage of adoption. It’s too emotional and uncertain. People can’t help themselves to not pass judgement, while dressing it up as…
-
Two more months
I can’t help but get giddy at the realization that it is 2019 already. Two more months till Spring, and thus till we meet our youngest. Tomorrow we visit Jackie’s foster parents. We bring gifts and cookies baked by Conrad. They have a seven year old in foster care. A gift for her as well.…
-
Listen.
Our hearts are hopeful, our minds hungry. We want to serve more, and free ourselves of our own selfishness. To listen, to see the other, to understand better and to love. To be courageous, clear minded, to discern the truth, to love the Truth. I wrote this in one breath as we stepped into 2019.…
-
The imitation game
“I’m wiping down this window” shouts Jackie from the bedroom, as we got home on New Year’s Eve. “It sweated again and a little water dripped on the hardwood floor.” It occurred to me that I don’t remember my parents guiding me with too many words. But I remember watching them. What if they said…
-
Mami, what do you do?
The curiosity to understand our parents’ day jobs has begun, earlier for Jackie than it happened to me. In first or second grade I had to tell my teacher what my parents did for a living, except my parents didn’t have standard jobs (policeman, teacher, doctor etc). My mom was a chemist working in a…
-
Fascinating past
I wonder what life was like back then. What were my parents daily concerns. How they perceived us, each other, the world. When my mom tells me stories, I am always fascinated, yet I know the stories are now filtered through a lifetime of events, lived with presence. Jackie loves to hear stories about me…
-
Loneliness
I don’t presume to grasp fully this feeling, but I’ve had my encounters with it. It is what brought me to my knees, as a figure of speech as well as literally, over two decades ago. This year I’ve read a handful of books, mainly on parenting to help me to better tackle this role, but…
-
Pentru mama și tata
Fără pretenții, cu capul pe umeri și cu piciorele pe pamant, așa ne-ați inspirat să devenim adulți întregi. Nu v-ați cerut drepturile unul de la altul, nu v-ați declarat așteptările, ci v-ați slujit reciproc, și ne-ați grijit pe noi cu tot ce ați avut mai bun, și mai ales cu o inimă sinceră în vorbire…
