Ask and it shall be given to you.
You do not have because you don’t ask.
Ask without a selfish heart.
I tell Jackie the story of her name. The week we met her we stumbled upon the significance of Jaclyn, rooted in the Hebrew Jacob, meaning “May God protect you”. That was our constant prayer the three years leading up to meeting her. And it would be foolishness to forget it, just because it has already passed. Because God was faithful in every way. As I remember and I retrospect, I worry at our tendency to take it for granted.
Now we pray that God’s will be done, and that he would bring the little sister to us as soon as possible, as soon as He sees fit.
I pray out loud and with life, in Jackie’s presence. And she soaks it up. Then she prays on her own. I never had to explain prayer to her, other than it being a conversation with our Heavenly Father. I believe my faith does not need any justification in my daughter’s eyes. And it shouldn’t need toning down in the company of fellow believers, especially.
Often my heart yarns to pray at get-togethers. But it’s never the right time, context, mood. Today I have decided to unapologetically invite God among my friends, and wherever He is welcomed, He shall dwell. Everything in my life has been infused with grace through prayer. I get clarity of mind in prayer. During college I prayed for a husband just like Conrad. I journaled this specific prayer, two years before meeting him. God saw fit to bring him to Cluj to meet and court me.
I prayed for God to never let life become numbing to the point of me forgetting the joy of God’s presence. At some point, years after we got married, we have known financial stability and in the same breath infertility. God then called us both to adoption. So we would know His heart better. So we could live life with gusto and color. To live adventurously, to experience love that transcends human boundaries and understanding.
The pillar of prayer. I do not desire fame or fortune. I pray for a healthy body to carry on joyously, to care for my family. But even this health we currently enjoy is pure grace. And I pray for strength, and trust that God would not allow more than we could bear. I pray for my second daughter’s safety, health, care, and in my heart of hearts, I know this is not a selfish prayer. My heart beats faster knowing deep down that God heads to my heart’s wishes.
Everything I gave away, be that my few material goods, or my heart’s prayer, I feel that this is my only treasure of Heaven. I open my hands, and there is no fear. That God gives and takes away, my heart chooses to say, blessed be our Father’s name.
I believe my own journey is the legacy I leave to my girls. I have no other worldly plans. My walk with God, opening the doors to knowledge for them, telling and showing them God’s faithfulness. We would leave very little material stuff. But their ability to understand this world, to process emotions and information, to experience a broad spectrum of social life, to believe, to know God, our Heavenly Father. That is my only true gift. My legacy.