I have seldom been this confused about what to do next. A topic that has haunted me for over a month is clarity of mind, or lack there of.
Busy body work only kept me away from quenching my spiritual thirst and from soothing my mind, from building my strength and spreading my wings like an eagle.
It’s a season of contrasts.
Talking a lot, sharing, writing, meeting all kinds of people, interesting and different, getting built up by them, energized, but at the end of the day, the end of a season, drained beyond boundaries.
The answer is simple. I knew at an intellectual level what the dangers are, and tried to implement the course correction, but my heart was so otherwise engaged that I tried to do things on the go.
Today, as I don’t see clearly, I don’t hear accurately, I feel as if I am at the top of a mountain, winds howling in my ears. I have perspective but no path and direction. And the ringing. Oh, the noise and the overstimulation.
So I went back to my good old friends, the Psalms. Then I picked up my adolescent Bible, and poured over the Proverbs (16) all underlined and poured over and loved. How could I have been more grounded in tumultuous adolescence compared to now? The answer is plain. I was aware of my desperate need for God in an ever shifting world, so I clung to His Word.
As the analogy of windswept mind on the high peaks came to mind, reading about humility and repentance in a book I finally dove in fully, called Vertical Church, I pictured a man trying to listen well, putting the ear to the ground. Hot air like noise, rises up and stirs. In humility, lowering myself and putting the ear to the ground, I might hope for clarity of mind. To hear the low notes. To hear my Father in prostration.