Thank you for letting your passion transpire in our zoom meeting today. How refreshing it was to hear you and your husband share!
I must say, reading this book was like an icy cold shower. Necessary nonetheless. I think sometimes the adoption officials tend to soften the reality of trauma because they don’t know any better or think it’s too heavy for hopeful dreamy future adoptive parents. But the said parents need to get ready to face their very own potential reality. And step into it informed and more prepared.
The comment about how different the “cognitive knowledge” is compared to the “experiential knowledge” was spot on. Especially regarding the richness and extraordinary value of this book. I read “wounded children healing homes” in the honeymoon phase of the first adoption. And it felt heavy and dark and dramatic. But the information was stored away to be accessed when the time was right, if necessary. Then I read the book a second time. On the tail end of the honeymoon phase of a second adoption, a few weeks ago, over the weekend, during a pandemic, with two very active kids around. It was like drinking from a fresh spring, after months of drought. Ah, the validation, the encouragement, the stories. Extraordinary.
Among my freshly discovered gold nuggets:
Kids use behavior to express feelings.
Raising children from trauma requires a flexible approach in parenting and the ability to start fresh every day.
Parenting shouldn’t be a chore. If things degenerate into burdensome parenting, start planning fun activities. Be intentional about having fun.
And my favorite pandemic one: there will be days when you’ll make mistakes. Luckily very few mistakes are fatal. After a difficult episode repair the relationship the best you can. Talk to your kid about what made you angry and how you can handle a similar episode next time. Conflict is part of any relationship, especially with those we care about the most.
And I got the idea to start organizing family meetings. My kids are 7 and 4. I haven’t started yet, but I think if I tailor it to their level, we can start now, and as they grow, the family meetings will be part of our DNA. And something we’ll all look forward to.
Thank you again! May the words of wisdom and encouragement fly to the ends of the earth and return with abundant fruit.