Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
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2022
The year of many new friends. We threw ourselves into new circumstances, served and made friends. The people we met this year are brilliant, kind, driven. We are enriched but we are also spent. I’ve focused on serving others, on where I’m needed, on how I can enrich other people’s lives. But the key which…
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See all this fancy beauty?
It’s not how I feel. The crafts, the glitter, the elegance. I feel like a fraud. I’m quiet and shy. I’ve been out of my comfort zone for a year, doing things that don’t come natural to me. I want to serve. I want to bless others. I want to be a vessel of healing…
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DRAFT – legacy the power of our thoughts
Our thoughts about motherhood affect our ability to live out our responsibilities well. I had years to prepare for motherhood, starting from youthful indifference, as life was too busy and fulfilling without kids, to yearning for it. Wrestling with this longing to care for a child and share of the abundance of love, knowledge and…
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Christmas 2022 school events
“will you stay to see me dance?” asks ivy as we are doing a craft, a Christmas wreath with her class. The event lasted two hours instead of one. I had to run midway to take Jackie to music school for her clarinet exam. then drive back to catch the Santa gifts giving and caroling.…
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Journey to self care
I was frustrated, anxious, irritated that people had increasing expectations of me. In reality though, I thought I was frustrated that they don’t see beyond their urgent need, or desire. But I was more upset with me for not speaking up kindly and clearly. I wanted someone to defend my time, to preserve my energy.…
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Conversation before bedtime
The girls pray for sweet dreams and thank god for the good day they had. I pray with gratitude, about healing, about their past, about their future, and I always thank god for the privilege of being their mom. I speak words of faith and joy and blessings over them. They flow out of me…
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Delight
I’m an empath. Overly aware of people emotions, even when they try to come across as nice, if deep down they don’t enjoy my company, I feel it. For this reason, the summer I spent with mama Gloria, as a daughter, I was treated with such delight, generosity of heart, and the elegant simple room…
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Well done, good and faithful servant
We long for words of affirmation from God, from a trusted leader. Chatting with Joana this thanksgiving we realized we have a driven personality in common. This year we worked hard and then harder, longing for someone to reassure our worth and value and contribution. I was in the mountains on a retreat with amazing…
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Postponed talk
I’ve been told I have perfectionism tendencies yet I couldn’t quite see it. Tonight we went to read in the bedroom so it wasn’t too late for a serious conversation. I brought it up. Conrad sighed, worried. He felt I ambushed him. He doesn’t like to have serious talks. Ever. I always give it a…
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Loyalty and kindness
I worry about friendship and lasting relationships for the next generations. The introvert in me was met with warmth and friendship before I sensed a real and dull ache of loneliness. I had church. I had my brother. I had family. I braced myself for my daughter’s adolescent longing for friendship. I took steps to…
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Unfamiliar happiness
Letting yourself to feel joy can be uncomfortable at first. Ițm not sure what loyalty we start to have towards all the unpleasant feelings. Worry, sadness, regret. Happiness can feel too good to be true. We costed for a while. We allowed bits and pieces of joy to trickle in, through our busy schedule, but…
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Bearing witness
“Save me” – When the enemy is outside, calling for Father, calling out to be saved, it’s natural and sane. When we slide into overwork, the mental load is crushing, and we forget our boundaries. We feel like we can’t say no. Because those asking for our help seem helpless. Be that our kids or…
