I heard a scientist who studied trauma talking about the most effective way to connect with our kids, especially for educators who unknowingly deal with kids who suffered trauma. Before we jump to reason with them (the way we do with healthy adults) we need to help kids regulate (breath, feel calm, feel safe – their pupils are a good giveaway) relate to how they might be feeling, come down to their level. Speak calmly. Remind them you feel the same way sometimes. Identify with them. And only after that you can reason with them. Give them direction. Teach them something new.