Why am I still here?

We put our big luggage through and passed the security checkpoint when we learned that our flight was cancelled. I still thought there was a way we could find a feasible solution to our travel plans. Our week in the south of france, by the pool, eating fruit, sipping wine. Chatting. The guys exploring the surroundings. We’ve been building up anticipation for months. I have cried my eyes out after I finally clarified our tickets situation.

The trip was cancelled.

I had to figure out different plans for mom and dad, to get to Barcelona to catch their US flight back home.

I had made the mistake of booking their ticket with ours, and then I booked a separate return flight. The cancellation of the outbound didn’t give us the flexibility to cancel or reschedule the return flight. The situation was frustrating. and I haven’t yet cried all my tears out. As I’ll go to bed, the reality of still being here will sink in. Tonight conrad is cooking dinner. I have been working on figuring our this cancelled flight conundrum. I feel spent. I think I’m losing all the weight I gained cooking and enjoying life this past two weeks. I feel exhausted and the trip to the south of france would have been my week of checking out and daydreaming and resting my weary heart.

I am beyond sad. For the sadness of my daughters. For changed plans. For all the daydreaming we’ve done that is out the window. We had been there before so I could picture us around the table, enjoying coffee, wine and cheese. I miss Livia. I am sad. Hoe this days will wrap up nicely and I’ll go to sleep without a headache.

God is good.