Conrad was giving Rufus a haircut when we got a text from dad that they landed in Cluj and are through the security. I panicked. Their room was made, but the house was in disarray. And leaving in a rush left it in a worse disarray. We drove like maniacs, while following the rules. We drove in the parking lot, picked them up easily from the front of the airport, and drove off. It was a sunny day, cooled by a recent rain. We got home with them a few hours earlier than we were anticipating, but that gave us ample time to adjust together and have a leisurely dinner with our friends. 

Here they were, in our home, after years of looking foreword to their visit. We switched gears of focus as if we jumped off a train and back on another. 

We drank our coffee on the porch most mornings. The temperature was just perfect to take in the view and the breeze. It was incredibly smooth. Two weeks have flown by. Tomorrow we fly together for France, for a week. 

In cluj we hiked, went shopping, walked through downtown, had ice cream, slept in, played  cards, watched two movies, played board games… it was so easy compared to the last visit when we were at the apartment. Two major improvements: we now have a guest bedroom. And we have a dishwasher. 

I cooked with joy. Made plans for one warm meal a day. And I think I gained some weight. The girls had other adults to play with too. Conrad was in a good mood. Only a few instances of extreme tiredness made for poor decisions, lack of balance and tearful bedtime. I consider that a success. 

And I ought to remember that mending a break in a healthy relationship makes the connection stronger than if there was no break in the first place. Confess, apologize, acknowledge, come clean, do better next time. My generation of parents tends to overthink parenting, and worry about irreversible damage. We parent out of fear, and that is exhausting and fearful. We need to be brave, and rest in the knowledge we possess and decisions we do make deliberately. 

Anyway, I have opinions on the matter of parenting, and they evolve and I evolve. What I think today might shift noticeably in a few years. I am learning. I am growing. I try. I fail. I try again. 

I am definitely more comfortable with loose ends, with many projects in progress, and I look forward to wrapping the first part of the summer well. I need to go on a vacation, a writing vacation in the mountains. 

Meanwhile, I look forward to hanging out with Livia. Swimming and resting by the pool. It is a dream to have this vacation impending. And I to feel so present and grounded, happy and connected.