Category: Spiritual
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humor and perspective
I went in to tidy up the girls room, and saw short black hair on ivy’s bed. I thought in might be Rufus’ and I brushed it off. But as I picked up more stuff, I saw chunks of other type of hair everywhere. And the Disney princesses mixed about the carpet. I thought they…
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Deep silence
For months I felt like I can’t focus, my mind being called in too many directions. It is my first day alone in this house. And I love it. The dryer hums in the background like with a soothing productivity sound. We left the house before sunrise. We first dropped Conrad off at the hospital…
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Surgery
Monday school started. Jackie got fitted for the new scoliosis brace in the afternoon. Conrad met with an urologist surgeon at the same time, to discuss next steps. Tuesday we had a parent teacher conference in the afternoon. In the morning I took care of irs type papers for romania. And this evening we got…
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Blessing from the rabbi
For Conrad, adapted from Psalm 61 Hear our cries, O God,listen to my prayer;from the end of the earth we call to youwhen my heart is faint.Lead Conrad to the rockthat is higher than he is,for you have been his refuge,a strong tower against the enemy.Let Conrad dwell in your tent forever!Let Him take refuge…
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Our journey
After 9 years of remission, this week the doctors discovered two tumors on Conrad’s remaining testicle. He is undergoing tests and we are waiting for results.Ah, the liminal space… Where God moves closer to us. — Pain. Mental. Physical.The catalyst of closeness Bravely carryinga separate shareof burden and worry One silly, one silent, two chatty.A…
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Intense day
I spent the morning with the girls getting blood drawn and seeing a variety of doctors for a routine checkup. Meanwhile Conrad was checking on some recent discomfort. Nine years ago, in 2012 we were entering a whirlwind of emotions when conrad was diagnosed with cancer and rushed into surgery. One testicle was removed. In…
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Second mothers event in Cluj
I was subtly assigned the host role for a very special event, for adoptive and foster moms. I am honored and anxious about it. If I put aside my self awareness and self induced humility, I bravely pull up my sleeves and do what needs to be done, without overthinking it. My saving Grace is…
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Funk transition
I’m in a creative funk. Being social for me takes some creativity, some lightness of mind and heart. I would much rather put my head down and plow a field, work hard. Quietly. I am a storm of tidying up in my house and sometimes I enlist the help if others, as my drive is…
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The practice of humility
I know the theory. Too well. But my stubborn heart has a hard time embracing humility. I know I’m mostly right (in my eyes) and I won’t budge. Except today. It’s Friday. I have a lot on my plate. I registered jackie for music school in the morning. We moved the drier from the apartment…
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To love, to forgive and to need
Have you noticed how your feelings warm up towards the people who occasionally ask for your help? They show vulnerability and they elevate your position by asking for your help. A parable comes to mind: a man forgives the debt of two debtors. To one he forgives a little. To another he forgives a lot.…
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ART
Chiseling is messy.The beauty of the sculptureis vaguely in the artist’s headWho ought to trust their own CreatorFor how a sculpture will turn out. Painting is messy.Stains and splashesCloudy murky waterFingerprints aroundthe apron of life. The final paintingHas a life of its ownThe shapes and shadowsThe light and the voice in itIt speaks, it sings.It…
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Idealizing the past
I visited ivy’s foster mom this week. I promised to stay in touch and I’m a woman of my word. This year has been busy with the new house, with medical appointments and with school, online and in person. I don’t know when and how much time flew by. Ivy even forgot to ask to…