Lately I have felt more comfortable in live conversations than I had energy to summarize in writing my adventures. And there has been so much going on that even if I were to write five extensive blog posts, I couldn’t capture everything that was said and done.
I have learned early on that our lives and emotions are cyclical. We all experience ups and downs and it is best to go with he flow and experience the full emotions, and let them pass through and see what they teach you.
During this season I have also learned that Faith is one of my core values. I always assumed that everyone strives for faith or lets themselves be guided by faith. But for me it’s a little more than that. It’s my strong foothold, my North Star, my equilibrium. I cling onto Faith for dear life, and by that I mean I cling onto God, and I constantly dust off my knowledge of Him. My Theology needs to be pugged into the Bible the way my phone needs charging every day. Because I use it. Much like I breath and walk and live and love every day. How could I function without charge?
I wish I had assurance, the kind that you can grip and hold on to. But my Faith is a light walk, a daily choice, a decision to remain close to the Word, to the Light. I can’t see forever. I can only see one step at a time and as the Light sheds onto it, I take one step at a time. But while this concept might seem exhausting, I must confess I reached a point of comfort in walking by Faith and taking deep breaths and giving up control. And mind you, I like control. I am organized, I like to plan, I like to know in advance.
A year ago, and most sporadically, if you asked me to speak on the topic of adoption, I would have felt inadequate. I don’t want to lie or mislead anyone. I have had seasons of depletion though I fully belied I am on the right path in my journey. I just had no words to encourage anyone.
For five years I have been thinking about sharing with this church about our adoption journey. Nobody asked us. Nobody in this community. We have been open, but we never came forward to offer our story. On a few occasions, we had a national stage, a conference, a radio station, an interview platform … but the timing was strange.
As we got closer to Orphan Sunday, I felt moved to the point of courage to offer our voices. It was an irresistible push, inexplicable draw. I had written down a few thoughts to share to stay concise, to not waste anyone’s time, to speak with clarity. The platform, the timing, the audience… God prepared everything. The week before I dreamt that my mouth was filled with gum that got soft and was sticky on my teeth and I couldn’t speak. On top of that I also had a mask on. But God was gracious and the audience heard HIS message. Now Ivy believes I give sermons every Sunday in church. The feedback was resounding. And yet, we continue to live our lives by faith and that may give weight to the message in itself.
I am an educator at heart. And I believe and I see a lot of oblivious ignorance to the plea of orphans. I don’y like to tell people what to do, but I hope that our lives will inspire others to live by faith. There is a reality, a light that can’t be put under a bowl. We need to let it shine brightly.
In humility, with clarity and truth, we pray we can honor God with our lives.