Category: Adoption
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Adoption is like a celebration party
Many guests are expected. They’re invited and they do show up: like playfulness fulfillment, joy, purpose, happiness; but there are also some party crashers like hardship and doubt. I am the type of host that acknowledges the uninvited guests but does not linger to engage in conversation for too long, lest they would bring me…
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Cyclical moodiness
Walking up the hill, my eldest is trying to convince me to let her have a sleep over at my parents. They are very lax with rules. This is the mai reason why she loves it there. She feels loved through the freedom she gets. At times we reset our expectations and give her what…
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Honoring the foster family
Three families, who are well settled in their adoption, met on a hot summer day, to surprise and celebrate the foster family that spent at least a year with our kids, our daughters. Who advocated for their well being without any personal interest , today we had a reunion of love, of gratitude, of joy.
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Adoption is disruptive
The most common question I get when I’m interviewed about adoption is: “what would you tell families who are considering adoption?” I want to be encouraging and at the same time realistic. Helpful and down to earth. But adoption is such a personal experience. No two adoptions are the same. No two kids are the…
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Seasonal friendships
A few weeks ago insecurity hit me like a boulder, out of nowhere. It passed. But the more attention I got, the more I questioned it deep down, or I felt this tension to be up to par with people’s expectations of me. It’s not really pleasant, being popular. Somehow you feel like you owe…
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Transition from the adoption honeymoon phase
Tantrum – When a kid wants something you can’t give him. Like them wanting to go back. To the foster family. Almost every night, they cry. And they will smell your insecurity the way a shark smells blood. Do you give in? That’s crazy! You can’t take the kid back at 10 pm or the…
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The challenges of trauma
Kids who have experienced trauma can express their deeply buried pain in a variety of ways. Self-soothing when they are young. Self-harming when they get older. My daughter used to gently pat her forehead to the pillow. In her sleep. Or in a semi-asleep state. Or when she couldn’t fall asleep. Or when she was…
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Balance
Why do kids push the fun into dis-regulation. We all get carried away. The morning (evening) was going so well. We were all in a good mood, j was doing her stretches, Rufus was being goofy, Ivy was reading a dinosaur book… and we went from happy silly to intense goofing, loud and touchy. Every…
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Regulate – Relate – Reason
I heard a scientist who studied trauma talking about the most effective way to connect with our kids, especially for educators who unknowingly deal with kids who suffered trauma. Before we jump to reason with them (the way we do with healthy adults) we need to help kids regulate (breath, feel calm, feel safe –…
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Tending to our marriage
The summer vacation began with anticipation. Mom and dad were coming to visit. After a spring full of conferences and speaking engagements, music school, driving everyone with a busy schedule, wrapping up home projects, and planning our summer events, it felt like we never took a break to breath. Conrad gets pretty bad headaches most…
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Secondary trauma – SALT reflection
People who have cared for refugees, who serve so selflessly still, even if they take days to refresh and refocus on their own family, they are touched by secondary trauma. We are by nature empathizers. We are motivated by other people’s needs and fueled by an unexplainable love and connection. Since the war began, we…
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În prag de decizii
Am fost conștientă de lupta spirituală ce se dă în toate planurile Domnului pentru noi. În dreptul nostru am ales cu o minte limpede, cerebral, cântărit, și nu mereu mânată de emoții, deși au și ele rostul lor. Sentimentul de neliniște, de ne-împăcare, trebuie confruntat cu fapte, cu liste. Cum ar fi dacă merg mai…