Month: August 2020
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Attention
Both girls will have a different childhood experience, no matter how much we would try to make it even. Jackie had us to herself for 3 years. Evelyn has a sister to share childhood with. The other day jackie told me though tears, that she feels we don’t give her as much attention anymore. The…
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Grandparents birthdays
We had a great day on my parents birthday during the pandemic year. We were alone on the terrace of a fancy restaurant. Nobody smoked. The food was fresh and delicious. And beautifully served. And my parents paid.The girls tried everything and ate well. We fulfilled all our cravings for sushi and ramen and tempura…
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Tears
I sent Ivy to bed late afternoonFor her afternoon napAs she got more restless, and goofy and clumsy.She stomped over to her room, plopped on the bed and proceeded to cryHer sister said loudly: “oh boy! Why are you moping about now?” Very “sisterly” of her.“I cry because mommy is upset with me” she responds…
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As a mom of two
I asked a few friends if it’s harder or easier to have a second child. All of them said it’s definitely harder for a while. But that shouldn’t deter someone to have more kids. At home, both my girls snuggle more, and want my attention and company. But when they are asked who plays more…
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My experience as an immigrant
It is futile to enter debates about politics on Facebook. People have made up their mind. And the conversations end up heated and unproductive. Possibly even damaging. My rule of thumb in life has been: if you don’t ask for my opinion, I don’t need to offer it. The other day I briefly shared about…
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Contrast and memories
I long for a quiet place. But right now, life is loud and messy and heavy. I slid down the sad and tired path. Turning around is not a simple switch. I am deeply tired. and I feel guilty too. For not giving that wholehearted smile or hug, but only halfhearted wounded pride, exhausted arms…
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Gratitude list
I let myself feel all the heavy, unpleasant feelings, and instead of confronting them and then leaving them behind, this time it felt as if I entered a labyrinth. I sunk in deeper and deeper. It didn’t help that we had two days of heavy rain and dark clouds. Conrad gave me a nice afternoon…
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The day I reached my limit
I was feeling the burnout. The girls dragging their feet. Pushing the bedtime. Being goofy. Being too cute for the late hour. They couldn’t agree on the stories. I already read one that ivy chose. Then trying to decide on a Japanese story, ivy requested a different one than jackie. And I decided to not…
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PDA
We laughed when Jackie made silly disgusted noises as Conrad kissed e on the lips. He told her he did the same as a teenager, when his parents kissed. They still kiss actually. Seeing his parents display such tender affection for one other, though he didn’t express his appreciation then, it made him feel safe…
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First day of wearing a corset
She tried it on. It’s looks cool. But it’s uncomfortable. She doesn’t complain much. She got teary as she put it on, because it wasn’t set quite right. She complained she can’t breath, that it was too tight on her chest cavity. We let her adjust the straps herself, to whatever she was comfortable. She…
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First outing without the girls
Marc came over for the morning, to spent time with the grandparents. Then he came up to our apartment of his own accord, because he’s become familiar with the toys, us and the girls. Conrad got a call to go pick up his weekend ordered bag of coffee. And I got the call toPick up…
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must. have. fun.
At night we look like we fought in the war. Both conrad and I. I have no energy to write, to think, not even to focus on watching a simple show. My brain is fried. I’m overstimulated. My hearing and my lap. My main live language is acts of service. I enjoy cooking, cleaning, driving…