Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Adoption decision journey
Is infertility a punishment? I never saw it that way. Maybe because of the way I relate to God. The way I see Him is through the lens of forgiveness and immeasurable love. I have lived my youth bravely and honestly, and pure to the best of my ability. But as far as sin goes,…
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Despre depresie
Un subiect de altfel tabu. Tristețe, descurajare și neajutorare. Iritabilitate sau panică. Perspectiva mea de iarnă, în tandem cu tratarea subiectului azi la întalnirea mamelor de preșcolari. Cu toții simțim și emoții așa numite negative. De altfel, un om sănătos are un spectru larg de sentimente. Diferența o face acceptarea și gestionarea lor. Cu atât…
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What makes you come alive?
I was the quiet kid. I didn’t practice my storytelling. I didn’t yearn or learn to be the center of attention. Drawing attention to myself, from teachers or from peers, came with negative side-effects, causing unfounded envy or pressure. There is beauty in discretion and obscurity. Anonymity has always been a sweet friend. Having arrived…
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Generalizations
In general it’s not helpful to generalize. Pun intended. I misspoke today. I generalized. And as the words left my mouth, I knew it, saw it like a slow motion train wreck, but couldn’t redress. There are a slew of proverbs related to loose lips. He who talks lot, it’s impossible to not make mistakes.…
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Post-adoption celebration
It’s mid January. After three weeks of freezing temperatures, today got warmer and it rained. Today we started kindergarten too, after three weeks of vacation. We’ve been preparing our hearts for quite some time to have this adoption reunion in the complete formula. We celebrate family. In a word of “different”, it is incomparable to…
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She takes after you
We savor the journey of discovering Jackie as the unique person she is. Often she has certain tendencies, different from us, true sparks of genius, and we joke about who she takes after. Isn’t adoption adventurous?! We see us in her, at different times, and we marvel. She only emulates our habits, our facial expressions,…
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January 10
Jackie’s prayer tonight “Dear God, thank you for how I played today, thank you for Luca, thank you for the family that You made for me. Thank you for Rufus. Please watch over my sister, and whisper in her ear that she is loved, and that we’ll be reunited soon.” Then earlier today… “I know…
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Rebuilding trust
Winter is depressing. It doesn’t seem to get better with time either. We can easily slide back into old habits of stubborn selfishness. Winter can also be lonely. For self-preservation we learn to detach emotionally. Especially because detaching is not sudden, it is that more dangerous. It erodes. It erodes trust, hope. If we still…
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Dreams and losses
“Shame grows in secrecy, silence and judgment, but it can’t survive surrounded by empathy.” There are a few parenting topics which I realize people don’t talk much about. One of them is the incipient stage of adoption. It’s too emotional and uncertain. People can’t help themselves to not pass judgement, while dressing it up as…
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Two more months
I can’t help but get giddy at the realization that it is 2019 already. Two more months till Spring, and thus till we meet our youngest. Tomorrow we visit Jackie’s foster parents. We bring gifts and cookies baked by Conrad. They have a seven year old in foster care. A gift for her as well.…
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Listen.
Our hearts are hopeful, our minds hungry. We want to serve more, and free ourselves of our own selfishness. To listen, to see the other, to understand better and to love. To be courageous, clear minded, to discern the truth, to love the Truth. I wrote this in one breath as we stepped into 2019.…
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The imitation game
“I’m wiping down this window” shouts Jackie from the bedroom, as we got home on New Year’s Eve. “It sweated again and a little water dripped on the hardwood floor.” It occurred to me that I don’t remember my parents guiding me with too many words. But I remember watching them. What if they said…
