Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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What hurt most
During my burnoutWas the clear awareness of how ungenerous I becameWith my attentionWith my timeIf I felt that everyone wanted a piece of meI would curl my fingers around the meager resources of sanity and silenceAnd I wound dread any interruption. What hurt most was my greed for restI was not generous anymoreAnd I felt…
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Words have power
I remembered, I felt how powerful a positive word spoken clearly in my mind can be.When have I stopped doing that? Why? I have lived in a fog. Dense. Sticky with sadness, tiredness. Then after clearing the film of silence off the topI could breath againAnd hearI listened to barely whispered questionsAnd received an answer.Not…
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Nu vreau
M-am auto condiționat să fac ce e bine. Să fac ce trebuie. Am găsit un echilibru delicat în a face bine pe termen lung, pentru mine și cei din jur. Dar în ultimii ani mi-am tot șters limitele, am trecut peste ce e rezonabil, și am sperat ca Domnul va completa din abundență. Dar probabil…
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lead feet
Don’t invite me to go upfrontAnd talkDon’t expect me to say anything brilliant. The well is dryMy mouth is dryMy soul feels dry. I never feared public speakingThere is no sense of terror or panic or embarrassmentBut I have nothing to say these days.Nothing at all. It felt so good to share these with a…
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Crazy times in the world
Times are crazy. The war in Ukraine has been going on for over three years. It is impressive that they have been holding down the fort for so long. Ukraine lost 20% of their territory but inched forward into Russia in order to have a bargaining chip when peace talks will take place. We’ve served…
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iPhone 16 Pro Max
The new obsession among the cool girls in Jackie’s class, who makes it sound like everyone has the latest iPhone, except her. This is a 6000 lei phone. An absurd amount, even for people with jobs. Why do preteen think they are entitled to this. So far nothing made Jackie feel like an outsider. Not…
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I’m listening.
This short phrase is so powerful. Some of us heard it occasionally and some of us graced others with it. The silence that follows. The patience. The gift of being heard. I have this gut reaction to a certain situation at school. It doesn’t involve me directly. Until it does. But part of me wants…
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Emotions
As a kid my mom embraced my tears. She let me cry. Ironically, her embracing my tears helped me get over them easier and faster. She would say: “let your tears flow. They cool you down. They cleanse your heart and mind.” I don’t overthink my tears. If I feel like crying, I cry. My…
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Finding my words
I look desperately for an explanation. I think that would put me at ease. Why does my brain feel so scrambled? In regular conversations I look for words, basic words. Though when I take the stage my translating brain turns on and runs better than when having basic conversations. I vaguely remember feeling this way…
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Embrace the awkward
I was listening to a great podcast this morning “Why awkward is awesome” hosted by Simon Sinek. I did not have friends in primary school. I went there 4 hours a day, learned what I could and was thrilled to go home and play and be cozy. Didn’t have birthday parties, my colleagues never…
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Junior high drama
The first clarinet class after the Bach competition, the teacher didn’t show up. I guess he was taking a well deserved Monday off, but forgot to tell us. later edit: Jackie got 1st place 🥇 Jackie called me from music school and I went to pick her up early. She practiced a bit in her…
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Surrounded by takers
When you set yourself up to be a giver.You strive to be a blessing to others, a desirable company,needed and appreciated,And you don’t set some boundariesNot before it’s too late,Not to prove a pointBut to remain engaged and present and fair Lately I don’t feel valuedAs everyone who calls seems to want somethingNeed something. And…
