A great day

The alarm clock went off at 5:40. It was already light outside, so we woke up before the alarm, and lingered in bed, in silence. Then Conrad went down, opened all the windows so the crisp breeze paired with the chirping of birds would refresh our senses. Then he started the coffee. He was planning to go work on the flora restoration of a castle near Cluj.

We drank our coffee in silence then Ivy woke up on her own soon after. She snuggled with us drinking warm milk sweetened with honey. Then we woke Jackie up, to drive Daddy down the road altogether and drop him off.

We drove back home in the coolness of the morning, windows down, and took Rufus for a walk. It had rained all night. The nature around us is bright and fresh.

I started cooking what turned out to be the most delicious goulash by dinner (it had to simmer a long time). Both girls were incredibly amiable all day. I did not have to “watch this” for anything or answer questions for an hour. That felt like heaven to my brain. I only had to bring down some games and prepare a delicious brunch. Then we went out and played for a long time, on the trampoline, on the scooters, on the bikes… with young kids in the neighborhood.

Ivy went down for a nap, though she tried to convince me otherwise. I gave her two options, regarding the nap and she chose one, subconsciously agreeing to take the dreaded nap. She needed it.

I got to read and savor a chapter in a book while Jackie read quietly her own book. Then we looked over a most interesting book called People. I find her choice to be timely given the current world situation. We talked about cultures, religions, diversity, prompted by images. Jackie loves this book. We got it on Amazon last Christmas in California.

As we heard Ivy toss as if she had woken up, I thanked Jackie for our time together like big girls. It wasn’t premeditated… but it visibly touched her heart.

After the nap we watched their favorite Disney cartoon (with many pauses in between) and the girls took a bath. I prepared them two snack plates as they were culled under a blanket, and it felt joyous in our home. I loved spoiling these two girls.

Today Ivy didn’t ask for the foster home. And I think it’s because she felt more and more comfortable, safe, happy. Active, seen, loved. Jackie was extra nice to her. It seems they seem to find a groove together, and they evidently like each other. I think there is great hope for their genuine lifetime friendship …but it’s up to them to pursue it. And they do. I’m only guiding their steps, their actions, their hearts.

They ate well, rested well, played well. What a gift of a day. And I say this with the clear understanding that the days don’t belong to us. Not for a while at least. We don’t lose ourselves in parenting, but for now we try to connect as they need us to connect with them. Both girls. And I dare say, with each other. We are starting anew. And there will be a time when we couldn’t imagine life without two daughters. I think we are already there.

Today I realized the heaviness that has been weighing me down. Reports. Keeping people informed, involved, heard, seen. I wrote our family doctor to register Ivy, I wrote our dentist to give him an update, I wrote our social worker, an insight into our first week together. And I wrote the foster mom. An update. I sent a few pictures. I told her yesterday Ivy asked about them a lot, she misses them, and it’s normal; but otherwise I don’t think it’s the right time to reconnect her to the past. We will in a few months. My heart wants to be fully present. Here. At home. To take time to internalize what is going on, to see Evelyn, to uphold Jaclyn. To breath and to let go of anything else. Reports, official people weighing, questioning… all I give, I want to be of my own accord, genuine… on my own terms. Not to impress but to build up those who struggle and rejoice just like us, during the first days of adoption.