Category: Parenting
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Deep silence
For months I felt like I can’t focus, my mind being called in too many directions. It is my first day alone in this house. And I love it. The dryer hums in the background like with a soothing productivity sound. We left the house before sunrise. We first dropped Conrad off at the hospital…
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Intense day
I spent the morning with the girls getting blood drawn and seeing a variety of doctors for a routine checkup. Meanwhile Conrad was checking on some recent discomfort. Nine years ago, in 2012 we were entering a whirlwind of emotions when conrad was diagnosed with cancer and rushed into surgery. One testicle was removed. In…
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Funny conversation
Loud and clear on the stairs ivy says: “Ok. Now let’s say I’m having sex.” Silence. I ask her nonchalantly:“What are you having?” “Sex!” She replies with certainty. “Are you sure?” I try to understand what she means. “Well, now I’m just pretending. I’ll have sex when I get married.” “What does it mean to…
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Second mothers event in Cluj
I was subtly assigned the host role for a very special event, for adoptive and foster moms. I am honored and anxious about it. If I put aside my self awareness and self induced humility, I bravely pull up my sleeves and do what needs to be done, without overthinking it. My saving Grace is…
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Stubbornness, disobedience and leadership
Ivy looks at me with narrow eyes. Piercing me. I used to be like her as a kid. I had a quiet strength. And sometimes I’d get my way with my stubbornness. Mama wound give in because she would rise above the power struggle. She seemed immune to it. She adapted. This morning I was…
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Funk transition
I’m in a creative funk. Being social for me takes some creativity, some lightness of mind and heart. I would much rather put my head down and plow a field, work hard. Quietly. I am a storm of tidying up in my house and sometimes I enlist the help if others, as my drive is…
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The practice of humility
I know the theory. Too well. But my stubborn heart has a hard time embracing humility. I know I’m mostly right (in my eyes) and I won’t budge. Except today. It’s Friday. I have a lot on my plate. I registered jackie for music school in the morning. We moved the drier from the apartment…
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To love, to forgive and to need
Have you noticed how your feelings warm up towards the people who occasionally ask for your help? They show vulnerability and they elevate your position by asking for your help. A parable comes to mind: a man forgives the debt of two debtors. To one he forgives a little. To another he forgives a lot.…
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ART
Chiseling is messy.The beauty of the sculptureis vaguely in the artist’s headWho ought to trust their own CreatorFor how a sculpture will turn out. Painting is messy.Stains and splashesCloudy murky waterFingerprints aroundthe apron of life. The final paintingHas a life of its ownThe shapes and shadowsThe light and the voice in itIt speaks, it sings.It…
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Friendships ebb and flow
A few years ago I was left hurt and confused by a friend’s constant cancellation of plans last minute. At some point I reached out to a mutual friend considering an intervention to help her gain perspective and support for a better work life balance. It’s been tried. I was not the only one worried at…
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Idealizing the past
I visited ivy’s foster mom this week. I promised to stay in touch and I’m a woman of my word. This year has been busy with the new house, with medical appointments and with school, online and in person. I don’t know when and how much time flew by. Ivy even forgot to ask to…