Category: Parenting
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Believe
What my daughter needs is words of encouragement. It’s her lifeline, especially when she struggles, when she doubts herself. A parent’s belief in the kids’ success comes before the success. I believe god help my unbelief. As I speak power into her heart, “you are smart, you will succeed, you will overcome this challenge” I…
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Mindset
“The damage is done. Let’s see how we can fix it.” On the receiving end, if someone with authority says that to you, instead of discussing consequences, it’s pure grace. You don’t sweep the issue under the cover. But the approach is not punitive. It’s constructive. Literally. Last week, an adoptive parent said that his…
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The road to healing
My experience as an adoptive parent tells me that the hard part is only now beginning. The ability to trust again, to rest, to find pleasure in simple activities. For some, the ability to still enjoy life in the midst of chaos may have been their saving grace. The adults have a better self-regulating system,…
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The gift of imperfection
I got a call yesterday from Jackie’s English teacher. She acknowledged Jackie’s language skill but encouraged us to help her or pay attention to her spelling. I love Jackie’s phonetical writing. It’s endearing. Conrad as a native speaker didn’t spell much better when he was her age. I honestly had no concern about her English…
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Inner-circle
To belong. To be seen. To be loved. We are an odd bunch, but we resonate with each other. We felt it was high time to create a space for adoptive families to meet again. It has been a challenging season, from pandemic and isolation to war and generally parenting small people with different personalities,…
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Math
The “attitude of war” is becoming all too familiar. The emotional rollercoaster in our pre-pre teens has began a while ago. We would be in denial not to acknowledge it. The difference is stark between a 5 years old and a 8 years old. Something triggers her. Maybe she didn’t sleep enough, or too much.…
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processing a season of war
This intense season feels familiar. My mommy brain has been training for such a time as this. Have you ever filled balloons with air, the classic way? I was terrified that if I blew too much air the balloon will pop in my face. It has happened once or twice. But as I see and…
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Toxic stress
The reason kids from difficult places have special emotional needs that affect sometimes their ability to learn, is because early on their brain was flooded to stress hormones. And there was nobody to console them, to help them feel safe. To meet their needs, to offer warmth, and nourishment and rest. Many adoptive families believe…
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Subliminal noise
Maybe we would do a better job separating the anxious thoughts bombarding us, if we weren’t also involved in helping out directly. I thought my plate was full, and then I added one more course on top of it full. I fear I may mix up events, groups, or let things fall through the cracks.…
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When it clicks
When I run out of solutions, I blatantly point my husband or my kids to God. “Ask Him!” I say. Pray about it. I don’t know anymore. It is not a secret that my biggest trigger is a disrespectful or ungrateful attitude. I wonder sometimes if my eyes trick me and I jump to conclusions.…
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Repair
They say it is better to make mistakes and repair than to be a perfect parent. So they say. A bone that breaks but heals well, it’s stronger than the bone that never broke. I assume it’s the other leg of the same person so we have generally the same bone density to begin with.…
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Connection
When we are at odds with out kids, we know what they need most is connection. When they whine, they misbehave, they push boundaries, if we as parents find a way to rise above the drama, feel mercy, feel empathy, show kindness, express honesty, then the connection is reestablished. For a few days we struggled.…