Category: Parenting
-
My parents’ birthdays
They are born one year minus one day apart. In August. As a kid I got them house gifts. I remember I bought them a clock that they had on their hallway wall until they moved from that apartment. But they were not big on celebrating their own birthdays. Maybe that’s why I don’t care…
-
Seasonal friendships
A few weeks ago insecurity hit me like a boulder, out of nowhere. It passed. But the more attention I got, the more I questioned it deep down, or I felt this tension to be up to par with people’s expectations of me. It’s not really pleasant, being popular. Somehow you feel like you owe…
-
Transition from the adoption honeymoon phase
Tantrum – When a kid wants something you can’t give him. Like them wanting to go back. To the foster family. Almost every night, they cry. And they will smell your insecurity the way a shark smells blood. Do you give in? That’s crazy! You can’t take the kid back at 10 pm or the…
-
The challenges of trauma
Kids who have experienced trauma can express their deeply buried pain in a variety of ways. Self-soothing when they are young. Self-harming when they get older. My daughter used to gently pat her forehead to the pillow. In her sleep. Or in a semi-asleep state. Or when she couldn’t fall asleep. Or when she was…
-
Balance
Why do kids push the fun into dis-regulation. We all get carried away. The morning (evening) was going so well. We were all in a good mood, j was doing her stretches, Rufus was being goofy, Ivy was reading a dinosaur book… and we went from happy silly to intense goofing, loud and touchy. Every…
-
Regulate – Relate – Reason
I heard a scientist who studied trauma talking about the most effective way to connect with our kids, especially for educators who unknowingly deal with kids who suffered trauma. Before we jump to reason with them (the way we do with healthy adults) we need to help kids regulate (breath, feel calm, feel safe –…
-
Tending to our marriage
The summer vacation began with anticipation. Mom and dad were coming to visit. After a spring full of conferences and speaking engagements, music school, driving everyone with a busy schedule, wrapping up home projects, and planning our summer events, it felt like we never took a break to breath. Conrad gets pretty bad headaches most…
-
Authority
Have you ever had a teacher without authority? Or a boss without authority? It’s uncomfortable, it’s chaos, it can be scary. Authority doesn’t mean forceful, unmovable. On the contrary. It’s reasonable, wise. And genuine authority is not something we muster up. Knowing God and understanding our mandate, we rise to the occasion to protect, to…
-
MOPS – garden party
Last fall I was busy preparing an ARFO event: the launch of a book. I came alone to the first meeting @mopscluj Then I was invited to be part of the team, and to translate materials as needed. I didn’t know what to say yes to. But it was like a mustard seed. Small. Insignificant.…
-
The day I yelled at a stranger
In the parking lot, trying to drop Jackie off for camp, on our way to start our conference serving Ukrainians. It was a hot Sunday, and I was going to give the main talk to an uncertain number of attendees. Needless to say, we were on edge and we didn’t even know it. The drop-off…
-
Secondary trauma – SALT reflection
People who have cared for refugees, who serve so selflessly still, even if they take days to refresh and refocus on their own family, they are touched by secondary trauma. We are by nature empathizers. We are motivated by other people’s needs and fueled by an unexplainable love and connection. Since the war began, we…
-
Ivy’s plea
Conrad took his parents on a last hiking adventure beyond our garden in the woods. It’s Friday. The days are hot, but not before 10AM. The mornings are beautiful cool, or warm, or breezy. The type of temperature you want the time to stand still in. On their way back they stopped at our storage…