Category: Parenting
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Regulate – Relate – Reason
I heard a scientist who studied trauma talking about the most effective way to connect with our kids, especially for educators who unknowingly deal with kids who suffered trauma. Before we jump to reason with them (the way we do with healthy adults) we need to help kids regulate (breath, feel calm, feel safe –…
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Tending to our marriage
The summer vacation began with anticipation. Mom and dad were coming to visit. After a spring full of conferences and speaking engagements, music school, driving everyone with a busy schedule, wrapping up home projects, and planning our summer events, it felt like we never took a break to breath. Conrad gets pretty bad headaches most…
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Authority
Have you ever had a teacher without authority? Or a boss without authority? It’s uncomfortable, it’s chaos, it can be scary. Authority doesn’t mean forceful, unmovable. On the contrary. It’s reasonable, wise. And genuine authority is not something we muster up. Knowing God and understanding our mandate, we rise to the occasion to protect, to…
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MOPS – garden party
Last fall I was busy preparing an ARFO event: the launch of a book. I came alone to the first meeting @mopscluj Then I was invited to be part of the team, and to translate materials as needed. I didn’t know what to say yes to. But it was like a mustard seed. Small. Insignificant.…
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The day I yelled at a stranger
In the parking lot, trying to drop Jackie off for camp, on our way to start our conference serving Ukrainians. It was a hot Sunday, and I was going to give the main talk to an uncertain number of attendees. Needless to say, we were on edge and we didn’t even know it. The drop-off…
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Secondary trauma – SALT reflection
People who have cared for refugees, who serve so selflessly still, even if they take days to refresh and refocus on their own family, they are touched by secondary trauma. We are by nature empathizers. We are motivated by other people’s needs and fueled by an unexplainable love and connection. Since the war began, we…
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Ivy’s plea
Conrad took his parents on a last hiking adventure beyond our garden in the woods. It’s Friday. The days are hot, but not before 10AM. The mornings are beautiful cool, or warm, or breezy. The type of temperature you want the time to stand still in. On their way back they stopped at our storage…
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Two weeks with family in Romania
Conrad was giving Rufus a haircut when we got a text from dad that they landed in Cluj and are through the security. I panicked. Their room was made, but the house was in disarray. And leaving in a rush left it in a worse disarray. We drove like maniacs, while following the rules. We…
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În prag de decizii
Am fost conștientă de lupta spirituală ce se dă în toate planurile Domnului pentru noi. În dreptul nostru am ales cu o minte limpede, cerebral, cântărit, și nu mereu mânată de emoții, deși au și ele rostul lor. Sentimentul de neliniște, de ne-împăcare, trebuie confruntat cu fapte, cu liste. Cum ar fi dacă merg mai…
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Nemulțumire
“De ce plecam mâine?” Vreau sa mai stam. Oftat adânc. Tremurat de buze. Uitat cu coada ochiului in podidit de plâns si tristețe. Anul ăsta așa e de fiecare data când mergem undeva nou. Fetele zic că atunci când sunt mari ele vor locui la hotel, că e mai frumos. Cineva face curat după tine.…
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Cum să facem bine alor noștri
Îmi suflec mânecile imaginare și pun masa. Aranjez prânzul copios pe platouri. Toată lumea mulțumită, fericită. Recunoștința tuturor Însă nu mă inspiră. Adică știu că-i bună mâncarea și-i bine primită, dar n-am făcut-o pentru laude și mulțumire. Astea, cum să zic, mă lasă rece. Când cineva se ridică și completează ceea ce fac. Strânge masa.…
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Learned disability
“Can you help me put my socks on?” Asks my eldest daughter nonchalantly, as we were getting ready to leave. I have made a mistake. But it’s not too late to fix. I have catered to her benign requests, more this last years that in the first years together. I have been told or I…