Author: Violeta
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Getting off the circle
I remembered about the cycle of trust, when kids have a sort of ebb and flow, with their parents or caregiver, or person of reference. They explore the world and they return to connect with their adult. When they are little kids, this back and forth is very dense. Kids barely turn around to test…
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Post adoption visit
It’s Friday morning. Jackie is at school already. Ivy woke up early too. It’s a warmer morning than usual. I am enjoying a slow start of the day, as I didn’t rush out the door; my parents offered to drive Jackie to school this morning. Such a gift! Ana’s visit is enthusiastically anticipated by Ivy.…
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Scoliosis update
A year and a half ago we discovered Jackie has scoliosis. It’s practically invisible to the untrained eye, but there it was. We embarked on a journey of self discipline, wearing a corset, doing daily stretches. Mentally and emotionally exhausted, and outgrowing the corset, we took two summer months off of wearing the corset or…
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Smile more
“Fake it until you make it.” As a worn down mom, going through the motions is not a betrayal of truth, of self or of my family. Going through the motions, of serving, washing, cooking, working, reading, soothing, listening, praying, and then taking to heart the genuine feedback of my youngest daughter during the darkest…
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My experience was different
And there’s no better time to speak up than when the balance seems tilted in my favor. To be honest, in High-school I’ve witnessed the sexual harassment of my colleagues. The perpetrator was a teacher. Somehow I’ve dodged that bullet. Frankly I can easily pull off and mean look. I can easily give that vibe…
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Birthday party
The more enthusiastic Jackie was, the more I dreaded the planning of her birthday party. I felt her expectations were getting out of control. But I understand her genuine kid heart and joyful anticipation. When it comes to parties, I include all people out of a sense of responsibility and usually things turn out diluted.…
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Poetry or prose
I feel I can be more honest in poetry, because metaphor and fewer words use can hide and at the same time reveal so much more. Prose on the other hand, unstructured, poured out, takes me by surprise when it makes sense of my inner journey. But it’s messy and confusing at times. And cluttered…
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A date and a confrontation of self
…waiting in line to get a cup of coffee to go, on a Sunday afternoon. I kept a good attitude, light, grateful. We hadn’t planned our date. We never do. Therein lies out trouble. we walked aimlessly, from establishment to establishment, just to move on empty handed. We have barely scraped the surface of reconnection…
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Iron sharpens iron
Oh my goodness. For a few months I got a little worried. My eldest daughter would so easily get on my nerves. We would butt heads, and we would disagree too often for my comfort. And every day was the same. We would find something to cause disagreement. The feeling of helplessness or feeling trapped…
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Did she love me?
My daughters haven’t asked quite yet, this question about their bio mom. But all older adoptees have wondered this very thing. Some verbalize the question. Some are hunted by it. I met the other day with an adoptive mom whose daughter is 15 and who is a believer. Around age 8, her daughter asked her…
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What makes me come alive
I am lucky to have had low lows and high highs and the space to discern what I love to do and am good at. Passion doesn’t make us experts, it makes the learning fun and seemingly easy. But hard it is. I am not an expert about adoption, but I can speak from personal…
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humor and perspective
I went in to tidy up the girls room, and saw short black hair on ivy’s bed. I thought in might be Rufus’ and I brushed it off. But as I picked up more stuff, I saw chunks of other type of hair everywhere. And the Disney princesses mixed about the carpet. I thought they…