Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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The fog has lifted
My own emotionsOut of my control.The emotions are not to be fabricatedBut observed,Processed and embraced.I want to feel brave and kind and generousI want to serve with endless energy But I am a limited human.And that is ok. After a few weeks of unhealthy airThere was a fog of pollutionAnd heavy still airFinally the wind…
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Pulling a tooth that wasn’t ready
Ivy has a million ideas, daring, dangerous.She tries things even when I tell her not toI explain why notI pleadI set boundariesTo no avail. She sometimes listensMost often she doesn’t Today I couldn’t see where she was when picking her upNadia told me she lost a toothand went to the bathroomThere was blood. She came…
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Rock-bottom
We’re slowly sliding into madness, political and international. Trade wars, gun wars, right and wrong are being misinterpreted. Gambling with lives, just because the rich don’t feel the pinch of poverty and need and loss. But as poor decisions are made, the boat is rocking left to right, a maddening of action and reaction, I…
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Change of routine
I’ve been too exhausted to plan a rest period. I didn’t know whom to turn to for respite. Home life demands my active involvement in every area. Occasionally I take a step back, but I hold my breath knowing it is only temporary. I keep going. Like a soldier. Tired to the bone but not…
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My resting hour
A month of finding my balance. A dry grey month. Cold. Sad. Depressing. I’m so glad February is over. We are a team but so often, every other day, in my quest to serve and provide, I look at my family and wonder if any of it is worth it. I race to serve to…
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Felicia
I love fresh starts and new beginnings,And for that my heart is giddy with excitement for you. Your gravitational pull is powerful,as your core is dense with Love,empathy, generosity and faith. You create galaxies on your path.Movement, action, service define you,Bright and clear. You would and could not stand stillBusy blessing, serving, soothing, encouraging.What a…
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Spiral
I catch myself obsessing over efficiencyCarrying in my mind plans and ideasI do it because it pays offMost often In my exhausted stateI only rev my engineBut make no progress Occasionally I recognize the frettingAs anxious thoughtsLike a bad dreamWhen I am lucid enoughTo recognize that this is not reality I have never had a…
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Silent
I have danced an exhausting routine of wordsWisdom impartedCorrection and gentle nudgingWe have prayed and I have preachedI always had an answer and an explanationReading between the lines to what the question actually wasAnd kept one step aheadAnticipating needs knowing intuitively what they needAs I knew what they already knew themselves. Until one Sunday disagreement…
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Attachment
I have successfully fulfilled this essential needs for our kids.For 8 years respectively 5 years.Availability, guidance and connection. I was easily accessibleI could read between the linesAlways mediating, always there. Serving, feeding,Nourishing the mind and the body. As of late I felt more and more used.A punching bagA dumpsite for unpleasant emotions I feel the…
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Unity
When we thought things couldn’t not get any worseThey become dystopian. Rusia and USA are negotiating peaceTrying to push the European UnionAnd its leaders on the bring of ditching the weakas an offering for peace We ought to stay unitedI pray for leader with integrity and wisdomNot motivated by greedTo speak the truth and not…
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ski vacation
Blinding lightGrey majestic peaksShivering snow. Powdery and perfect.Smiles through big blue tinted ski gogglesI can feel the adrenalineThe silence and camaraderieThe tiredness at the end of the dayThe sheer splendor of the mountains. My heart achesas I see these gorgeous viewonly in pictures. Is it jealousy?Is it self pity? I can only recognize the winter…
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The gift of curiosity
When we are bogged down by worryWhen we rush through our dayWe don’t lift up our eyes to see anotherWe don’t want to hear anyone’s story. Seeing is loving.Listening with curiosityis generous love. “I see you. I hear you. I believe you.Tell me more.” We could practice this with our spuse. Too quickly we are…
