Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
Latest Posts
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Authority
If you have little to no authority over your child when he is 3, what makes you think you will have authority when he is 5 or 10 or 15? Practice early. It’s easier the sooner you begin. Get your hands dirty. Keep your heart clean. Authority isn’t demanded nor imposed nor begged for. Authority…
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wide awake
We had a great summer. A pretty fantastic year actually. After the few hard decisions of deleting WhatsApp on Jackie’s phone, and taking a break from school drama, we relished in the peace of distance. After school started, Jackie asked if she can have WhatsApp re-installed. She said she will respect its time limit and…
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Expectations & people pleasing
Mid life adults struggle with people pleasing. The idea in itself is not inherently bad, but when we stop listening to our own wishes or preferences, we can be in danger of losing ourselves alltogether. I wanted to please my parents. And watching my brother test the waters with daring courage, I stayed clear from…
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The confidence built in silence
For a parent it takes a lot of practice to step back and let the kids become responsible for themselves. Let them make mistakes if you already warned them or gave them the advice needed. This week the music teacher told them that of any of them plays any instrument to bring it to school…
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The mistakes I make by taking over
Giving feedback is easier said than done. Being honest and kind and ferm in the moment is one of the hardest things one can do – and it’s impossible without practice, or prior decision. Like a steady walk on a beam. You don’t happen to be on a bean and walk elegantly. You are purposeful…
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Take my word for it
Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. My mom was a strong believer in clear honest talk. No matter the context. She disliked sarcasm as it hid frustration and double talk. And I do believe I owe it to my parents that the way I learned to interact with others had no…
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Am izbutit
Un success tacit – premeditat. M-am gândit mult la cum mă voi simțit la sfârșitul ședinței cu părinții. Mi-am făcut scenarii la ce aș zice, dacă m-aș justifica sau nu, sau aș oferi câteva clarificări, cu umor sau sec – și mi-am dat seama ca nu contează. Ci contează doar sa nu ma las pradă…
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accommodating
My kids prefer my company and input, even though I believe I’m more strict & not as fun as my husband. Generally, women are social accommodators. We read tones, read between the lines, pay attention to subtle words or moods… and answer the real questions. We keep the peace and meet the kids where they…
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the real freedom of no
I had to disappoint a few people by refusing their request, challenging their expectations. I am tempted to offer more explanations. I catch myself. If I don’t sound overly justified I keep the explanations. If I come across as whiny, or needy, or insecure, I delete my pleading for understanding. Mostly because if I keep…
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Bitterness redeemed
I had to remember to be present, and postpone the wallowing in frustration. Oh, to be able to stop the train of negative thoughts, what a powerful feeling. Having tried this in a season of extreme exhaustion or emotional overstimulation, the feeling of powerlessness added to the frustration. Enough with the theory. Every week I…
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Romance
Both girls giggle about boys. So innocent. Different boys come to the door ti invite them out to play. They gag when they see kissing in movies, but the interest in boys is in a stage of its own in their development. They try to play it cool but then they ask me stuff. And…
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Last minute stars alignment
Having friends, maintaining friendships can be expensive. Having built these friendships through church we got used to free socializing. But I can see how going out is getting to be too pricy. Alas, we went on a weekend away and swam and assembled food, shared stories and listened to each other’s heart or silliness. And…
