Category: Spiritual
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Letter to my daughters
Before I knew you, before I become your mother, I thought about what I will leave to you. In fact, my keen desire to pass on the gifts I received, led me to adopt you. Not so much the material things, but a feeling of belonging, of security, to make room for you in the…
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Advice
I have made so many mistakes this year. Soon I started to feel like I don’t know anything anymore. And that I’m about to loose my mind or I will run away. Conrad can attest to it. All my book smarts were useless as I felt swept under the vortex of emotions in my tiny…
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Porcelain
Porcelain Out of tears and ashes I hear you. I see you. My cup emptied I feel weightless As I stand in front of you Witnessing your storm I did not know How releasing my “poems of waiting” Will rewrite my DNA It will ready me To be your helper Your strong ally In the…
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Like butter
We mingle with family like butter on toast, making the crunchy bits less loud, salty and appealing. Last night we had a best game of find and seek with the grandparents. We were all exhausted by evening time, or maybe just Grammie was most tired, as she spent the morning with all the granddaughters making…
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In the darkest hour of your night
I may start a collection of conversations before bedtime with my daughters. Yesterday morning j was frustrated that she needs to do her back stretches while ivy was doing a puzzle. She feels that being younger is easier. I agree. What she forgets is that and she is younger than me. She asked in her…
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Into the new year, in Austin
Having children pushes us out of the childish mindset, of being taken care of and instead taking he role of a care giver. It’s a rite of passage into maturity. On the other hand, it teaches us to play again. Not for our sake, but to please another, to serve, to forget yourself into play,…
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A stretch of anxiety
As I sat too long in a heightened sense of caution, of outward and inward stimulation, even getting close to the cliff of worry makes me nervous. I used to thrive in the intense seasons. I felt pumped, keenly aware, driven, motivated and able to accomplish a lot. My footing is unsure now. A short…
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Simplified engaging American style
We went to church. It’s Christmas week, and quite the experience for ivy. Though initially they were going to go to Sunday school, the kids had a christmas pageant and our daughters stayed with us in second row center. It’s a Presbyterian church mom and dad go to. it was an engaging morning, with carols…
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Learning to respond
When adults around me lost their shit I would not engage. It was not the freeze from flight flight or freeze I would ride above it and observe the adult. Teachers got angry grandparents got angry neighbors got angry authority in general They called me a mute. But as a kid, I did what wise…
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Agency and character
My kids don’t belong to me. They don’t belong to their foster family. They are not bound to their bio roots either. My kids belong to God. And my purpose in their lives is to influence their character, to help them know and love their Maker. They have agency though. It’s God’s gift to humanity.…
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Fearless discomfort
I am part of #mopscluj and when I booked my ticket for America this winter, I took into consideration the date of the gathering, and booked my ticket out the following day. My tribe. I enjoy being alone. I can discern God’s voice and my calling, with clarity, unencumbered by so many variables. But as…
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To have agency
We like to be rescuers even when we don’t like to rescue. In social science, agency is defined as the capacity of individuals to act independently and to make their own free choices. God gave us free will. Isn’t that great! Not just for us, but it takes the pressure off of us to convince our…