Category: Spiritual
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Postponed talk
I’ve been told I have perfectionism tendencies yet I couldn’t quite see it. Tonight we went to read in the bedroom so it wasn’t too late for a serious conversation. I brought it up. Conrad sighed, worried. He felt I ambushed him. He doesn’t like to have serious talks. Ever. I always give it a…
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Loyalty and kindness
I worry about friendship and lasting relationships for the next generations. The introvert in me was met with warmth and friendship before I sensed a real and dull ache of loneliness. I had church. I had my brother. I had family. I braced myself for my daughter’s adolescent longing for friendship. I took steps to…
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Bearing witness
“Save me” – When the enemy is outside, calling for Father, calling out to be saved, it’s natural and sane. When we slide into overwork, the mental load is crushing, and we forget our boundaries. We feel like we can’t say no. Because those asking for our help seem helpless. Be that our kids or…
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Talents burnout
Or what happens when your gifts bring you to the brink of burnout. I am action oriented as I received amazing freedom as a kid. I always anticipated needs and was one step ahead of adults’ expectations because I hated to be told what to do. Even the first time. I never had to be…
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Reset in France
I learned of remembered a few things this fall. It is important to step off the stage, to be silent, to listen to God. As an introvert, this year I have been focused outwardly, to the point of depletion. Everybody needs something everyday. I was not meant to fill or meet every need. While giving is…
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Cohesive joy
I care about being cohesive, even as we live a very complex life. On one hand I’m in awe of these two gifts in our lives. On the other, I wonder if I’m equipped to keep up with the challenges of life as is. Adoption is complex. Adults considering adoption want guarantees. But there are…
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writing club
cinavineriseara with friends who wrestle with big ideas, social justice and initiatives, creative writing, working abroad, embracing new cultures. I’m grateful for my extroverted friends who push the needle to making things happen. I fell more and more tired and less and less adequate to be a proper host, but my house will always be…
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A new school year
After a week of fog and rain, the sun is shining over the hill in front of our breakfast window. It’s already 8:30 AM. But today we don’t have to go to class. We only have the festivity. Jackie is still sleeping soundly. I can ear her breathing contently in her bed. Ivy is of…
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Adoption is disruptive
The most common question I get when I’m interviewed about adoption is: “what would you tell families who are considering adoption?” I want to be encouraging and at the same time realistic. Helpful and down to earth. But adoption is such a personal experience. No two adoptions are the same. No two kids are the…
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I was wrong
The moment I start to focus too much on my own feelings, the ground starts to shift. I loose my footing and perspective. I finished listening to a book these days. It was dense. And for the first time I find listening to a book overstimulating. I think I enjoy the silence of reading more.…
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Seasonal friendships
A few weeks ago insecurity hit me like a boulder, out of nowhere. It passed. But the more attention I got, the more I questioned it deep down, or I felt this tension to be up to par with people’s expectations of me. It’s not really pleasant, being popular. Somehow you feel like you owe…
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The challenges of trauma
Kids who have experienced trauma can express their deeply buried pain in a variety of ways. Self-soothing when they are young. Self-harming when they get older. My daughter used to gently pat her forehead to the pillow. In her sleep. Or in a semi-asleep state. Or when she couldn’t fall asleep. Or when she was…