Feeling at home with introverts

Socializing is like an out of body experience. As of late. Even if I meet people, and I’m polite and engaging, I reached a new level of numbness. First joy disappears. I’m not sure if not feeling fully present / awake/ engaged is a step towards healing or a sign of worsening effects.

Anyway, I didn’t dread seeing our godchildren. Conrad set it up. There is a sense of calmness around them. And real conversation. I confessed I felt guilty for not keeping up with old friends. To my absolute delight and encouragement my friend said: “oh, it’s ok. We feel guilty for not keeping up either”. What a loving response. Affirming. Encouraging.

I think my burden is the worry that I have slighted people by not calling or reaching out. But it always goes both ways. And I’m on the more reserved camp. I only give the false impression that I’m social and able and outgoing and outreaching.

I don’t have energy for calls. I never did. Not even in my most social seasons.
Meeting and chatting with people, I am all in. I give it all. And I bet it’s memorable energizing refreshing. But it rarely happens that I come home energized from seeing people.

I realized old friends have a different effect on me than new ones. I don’t have to be on with old friends. I can be me and quiet and reflect on the go. So I remain integrated, balanced, real.

The girls matured so much in a year. They were shy. But warned up. The food was great, the conversation likewise.

So there. It’s only the second day of the year. We hosted my parents, our friends, and we visited our friends. Tomorrow we celebrate ivy’s 6th birthday. She is a big girl.
We’ll host a small party. And so we continue the wild ride of the new year.

It may not look like, but we are slowing down.