Category: Leadership
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Comparison
I always believed that my self-sufficiency was rooted in my introversion. I didn’t need others to feel at ease, whole, happy. It may have had something to do with my dedication to God, no matter what, when I was 12. I had become aware of my complete and utter need for Him, based on everything…
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Honest look at my schedule
It’s so freeing to speak the truth. I got on a zoom call to meet a new friend and see if I could help her set up a few private screenings of a movie she produced. A mutual friend who is too kind and sees the very best in everyone, she connected us. I admit…
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Hospitality – in progress
I have worked on this topic for a long time. I’m re-polishing a talk fit a certain context. At some point I had two different directions, both valid and powerful. But my heart is on simplifying it. Too much information crowds the heart.
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Awkward
I trip over my words. My mind doesn’t work quite so smoothly. I misremembered a kid’s name as I talked to the mom, and when I’m called upon to share something I can hear crickets in my head. I must document this stage as I do think it’s temporary. This is not who I am.…
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Teenagers learning to cook and cheap labor
Four years ago we contracted a house interior finishes crew. They had some experience and covered a lot of skills in interior finishes. But they also had a diverse pool of people, some just starting, some needing a lot of hand holding, some having to redo the work and pulling tiles of the wall is…
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Planning to go but willing to stay
I have renewed energy as I gain some clarity about my timeline in this volunteering project. I have been intensely stretched and on one hand I loved the community. But on the other hand I have felt out of my league against my will. So many times I felt close to panic attack due to…
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Ioana
I regard you with envy and admiration.A decision that was fraught over.Not easy. But necessary.Closing a chapter. Making a clean cut.I appreciate your declared availabilityBut it’s not necessary.I worry for that phrase. The open door.Hopefully we won’t abuse it.Maybe you’ve tested the waters of absence,letting us go. Slowly over time.We’ll make do.I want to bless…
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What hurt most
During my burnoutWas the clear awareness of how ungenerous I becameWith my attentionWith my timeIf I felt that everyone wanted a piece of meI would curl my fingers around the meager resources of sanity and silenceAnd I wound dread any interruption. What hurt most was my greed for restI was not generous anymoreAnd I felt…
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lead feet
Don’t invite me to go upfrontAnd talkDon’t expect me to say anything brilliant. The well is dryMy mouth is dryMy soul feels dry. I never feared public speakingThere is no sense of terror or panic or embarrassmentBut I have nothing to say these days.Nothing at all. It felt so good to share these with a…
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Crazy times in the world
Times are crazy. The war in Ukraine has been going on for over three years. It is impressive that they have been holding down the fort for so long. Ukraine lost 20% of their territory but inched forward into Russia in order to have a bargaining chip when peace talks will take place. We’ve served…
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Emotions
As a kid my mom embraced my tears. She let me cry. Ironically, her embracing my tears helped me get over them easier and faster. She would say: “let your tears flow. They cool you down. They cleanse your heart and mind.” I don’t overthink my tears. If I feel like crying, I cry. My…
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Spiral
I catch myself obsessing over efficiencyCarrying in my mind plans and ideasI do it because it pays offMost often In my exhausted stateI only rev my engineBut make no progress Occasionally I recognize the frettingAs anxious thoughtsLike a bad dreamWhen I am lucid enoughTo recognize that this is not reality I have never had a…