Month: June 2021
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Experience by the Sea for our kids
To bring or not to bring your kids on a fancy vacation? If not for them, for whom do we invest time and money for? The boundaries of rest and self-care do not apply to extraordinary making of precious memories. The fuel that we’ll keep us going in the seasons of drought and dark winter…
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Letting go early
What if I can’t give her what she needs? this question became heavier as I took more responsibility for things that are out of my control. I tend to shake off friendships who put too much pressure on my opinion, my approval. The world shouldn’t depend on me to function. on a few occasions friends…
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Therapy with friends
After 37 years life I receive with awe and open hands the genuine love of friendship. I’m so aloof, I can barely understand the sustainability of such friendship. But I’m grateful for it. It is pure grace. when you are exhausted and not daring enough to leave your comfort zone even after it became uncomfortable,…
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Community Friday
This large space in our new house inspired us to start a journey of social healing after a year of solitude. Liviu loves to cook, and we provide the spices, the comfortable space and the drinks. It took us a year to sink, slide, tumble. It should take us just as long to steadily and…
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My take on depression
As an adolescent I had no time to be depressed. I used every opportunity I felt weepy to cry to God. No wasted tears. I didn’t rebel. I spent ample time reading and introspecting. My husband makes fun of me for being a perfect child. Laugh all you want. But my demon was fear. Most adults…
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Guilt
There is this one burden. Guilt. Guilt that I may not be a good enough parent. And the fear that I may not climb out of bitterness. I wrote a poem encapsulating my longing and belief and prayer, as I parent exhausted at times. — My dear daughter jackie Goofy, bright Your mind so hungry,…
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Traveling through layers of depression
I have traveled Through post adoption depression Gently and kindly kept safe By poetry and psalms. High highs and low lows Furry and numbness I have traveled through seasonal depression The never ending cold The wet and dreary weather Safely embraced and soothed by the listening ears I have traveled through pandemic depression Not alone …
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Time stands still
After a delicious lunch (pasta penner with ham, broccoli and white sauce) we had ice cream on the patio. It was peaceful. It was warm. And we acknowledged the blessing and the joy of the moment. It has been a long time since I felt this way. And my heart burst with gratitude. In the…
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an imitation game
At this stage kids are pretty transparent about emulating the people they love. A year ago she wanted to wear pants like me. Or shoes like me. Today she was dead set on getting a haircut like me. We are aware that we influence our kids. Even subconsciously. I know courage is conscious. Hopefulness. Hard…
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Anxiety makes poor decisions
Acting out of fear, concern, worry, it’s not my comfort zone. It dawned on me that I have experienced a slew of unflattering yet real feelings. My emotional radar was being jammed by white noise. From outside and inside. I finally made the last payment on the house and a fog was lifted. Or better…
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Psalm 104
I loved Psalm 104. I loved all the psalms of praise. Who knew there is so much depth in joy and gratitude and exaltation. Psalm 104 fed me. Grounded me. The imagery, the simplicity and depth of truth exposed. I look at a beautiful grey sky as I write. The sky in Romania during Spring…