Cathartic journaling of an adoptive mom.
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I’m listening.
This short phrase is so powerful. Some of us heard it occasionally and some of us graced others with it. The silence that follows. The patience. The gift of being heard. I have this gut reaction to a certain situation at school. It doesn’t involve me directly. Until it does. But part of me wants…
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Emotions
As a kid my mom embraced my tears. She let me cry. Ironically, her embracing my tears helped me get over them easier and faster. She would say: “let your tears flow. They cool you down. They cleanse your heart and mind.” I don’t overthink my tears. If I feel like crying, I cry. My…
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Finding my words
I look desperately for an explanation. I think that would put me at ease. Why does my brain feel so scrambled? In regular conversations I look for words, basic words. Though when I take the stage my translating brain turns on and runs better than when having basic conversations. I vaguely remember feeling this way…
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Embrace the awkward
I was listening to a great podcast this morning “Why awkward is awesome” hosted by Simon Sinek. I did not have friends in primary school. I went there 4 hours a day, learned what I could and was thrilled to go home and play and be cozy. Didn’t have birthday parties, my colleagues never…
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Junior high drama
The first clarinet class after the Bach competition, the teacher didn’t show up. I guess he was taking a well deserved Monday off, but forgot to tell us. later edit: Jackie got 1st place 🥇 Jackie called me from music school and I went to pick her up early. She practiced a bit in her…
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Surrounded by takers
When you set yourself up to be a giver.You strive to be a blessing to others, a desirable company,needed and appreciated,And you don’t set some boundariesNot before it’s too late,Not to prove a pointBut to remain engaged and present and fair Lately I don’t feel valuedAs everyone who calls seems to want somethingNeed something. And…
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The fog has lifted
My own emotionsOut of my control.The emotions are not to be fabricatedBut observed,Processed and embraced.I want to feel brave and kind and generousI want to serve with endless energy But I am a limited human.And that is ok. After a few weeks of unhealthy airThere was a fog of pollutionAnd heavy still airFinally the wind…
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Pulling a tooth that wasn’t ready
Ivy has a million ideas, daring, dangerous.She tries things even when I tell her not toI explain why notI pleadI set boundariesTo no avail. She sometimes listensMost often she doesn’t Today I couldn’t see where she was when picking her upNadia told me she lost a toothand went to the bathroomThere was blood. She came…
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Rock-bottom
We’re slowly sliding into madness, political and international. Trade wars, gun wars, right and wrong are being misinterpreted. Gambling with lives, just because the rich don’t feel the pinch of poverty and need and loss. But as poor decisions are made, the boat is rocking left to right, a maddening of action and reaction, I…
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Change of routine
I’ve been too exhausted to plan a rest period. I didn’t know whom to turn to for respite. Home life demands my active involvement in every area. Occasionally I take a step back, but I hold my breath knowing it is only temporary. I keep going. Like a soldier. Tired to the bone but not…
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My resting hour
A month of finding my balance. A dry grey month. Cold. Sad. Depressing. I’m so glad February is over. We are a team but so often, every other day, in my quest to serve and provide, I look at my family and wonder if any of it is worth it. I race to serve to…
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Felicia
I love fresh starts and new beginnings,And for that my heart is giddy with excitement for you. Your gravitational pull is powerful,as your core is dense with Love,empathy, generosity and faith. You create galaxies on your path.Movement, action, service define you,Bright and clear. You would and could not stand stillBusy blessing, serving, soothing, encouraging.What a…
